Buck and I started hanging out more, in secret though seeing as CJ hated him and Hunter can't stand me. We'd go out to eat, the movies, and even drives in his car. Surprisingly he never tried to push sleeping together like he used to. He'd let me get on his phone whenever I wanted and he truly had stopped texting other woman. I had to bring the boys a lot but Buck was fine with it. He'd always talked about wanting to be a father and he was so good with kids.
Graduation came and Buck, CJ, Finn, myself, and all our peers walked down the line to receive our diplomas.
I started my job at Quesenberry and it was nowhere near as labor intensive as the saw mill, though still hard work. I had more time with the kids and my friends.
However, the day before my 18th birthday, Buck was supposed to leave for the marines. The night before he left we went out to the middle of the wood near his house. He'd prepared a candle lit evening in the woods and it was like something out of a fairytale.
"No matter how far I am from you my love will still burn for you," he sang into my ear.
"Buck, I come with a lot of baggage. I had to hug my brother goodbye when I was 12 just like I'm going to have to with you now. I turn 18 in two days and I have 4 and 2 year old boys. It's not fair of me to ask you to come home to me," I said.
"You don't have to ask. I want to be with you, Lubella. I tried to forget about you, you deserve better than me, but I always ended up back in your arms. I love you and I wanna be a father figure for those boys," he cupped my cheek with his hand.
He had so many parallels to my father and brother. My father was raised by an ex military man, my papaw. Buck's step dad adopted Buck and his younger brother after getting out of the Air Force and marrying Buck's mother. Daddy was a firefighter chef for the same department Buck joined. Clay was in the ROTC at school for his four years of high school and played nose guard. Buck has been in ROTC since freshman year and plays right linebacker. Clay graduated and two months later he was off to the Army. Now, Buck was shipping out to the Marines.
I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine him leaving. I was selfish in this moment, I didn't want anyone to have him, including the US Military. However, I had no true say in the matter. I kissed him that night before he left as if it was the first and last time.
I wasn't sure if it was just my nerves of being 18 soon and Buck leaving like my brother had but I constantly felt nauseous. I began to think and realized my period was late! I took a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive. I was scared as any teenager would've been to find out this news. Another baby on top of raising Wilder and Phoenix, I couldn't do that on my own and mom is already no help.
It had to of been because of that night at the bonfire. I was pregnant with Buck's baby, right before he was leaving for the military! Buck had already left by the time I took the test. He was in his final exam before going to his new base.
That night Buck called me. "I'm coming home darling," he said both disappointed and excited.
"What?" I exclaimed in my bedroom.
"I failed my drug test. I smoked a joint that night at the bonfire. It stays in your system for about four months. I'll be home in the morning Babygirl. At least it's in time for your birthday," he said over the phone.
"Well, maybe it's for the best. Your biggest dream was always to be a father," I started.
"Yeah I'll take care of Wilder and Phoenix like my own, just like Dad did for me and Cole when our sperm donor left by throwing us out of a moving car." It was true, Buck's biological father had thrown the two out of a moving car when they were 2 and 4 months old. Buck hated his biological father and the fact he carried his name as his middle name.
