--Gerard--
I had tried to call Frank, to apologise, to show that I cared, and I still do, I care so much that it actually hurts, it physically hurts me.
But what just happened, hurt more than I can comprehend, I can't put it into words, its like losing the person you love most in your life, it feels like I lost her all over again- Elena, the pain feels like when my dearest grandmother passed away, but what upset me was that he was alive and that meant anyone could get to him, anyone could be better than I was, he'd forget about me once he moved- I would be replaced.
I sat on my bed, curled up in a defenseless position, I couldn't do anything now, I had waited too long to tell him- he's been on my mind since the eighth grade, when we both started high school, we weren't in the same classes, hense why he didnt know me at first, but he's had my heart since I first saw him, and I let him get away.
I got up after my sob festival, I wanted to cry more, but no tears came, I dried my eyes of the remaining salty liquid and I took a cigarette out of the almost- empty pack and lit it.
Taking a long drag of the cancer stick, I exhaled and watched the spirals of smoke rise up and eventually disappear.
I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night- morning, since it was 4 in the morning, I just kept playing bad scenarios in my head, thinking about Frank, about how he'd eventually forget that I existed, how he would move on, how he would date some pretty English- girl and they'd get married and have kids, but what terrified me to no end, was the thought of Frank's plane crashing.
The nightmarish thoughts continued throughout the night, leaving me in a panicked state as the sun arose.
---
It was 10am, I hadn't bothered to turn up for school as I'm sure that I'd just end up breaking down and getting bullied, so I just drew. I fucking sketched and painted, but my mind refused to forget about the hazel-eyed beauty.
I left countless texts and I had called Frank so many times that I gave up, he probably already forgot about me.
I was pulled from my depressing thoughts, only to find my brother in front of me, a sincere expression painted his face, for once, I took comfort in his presence, he was a good kid, even though he was a dick.
Frankie's gone and he took my heart with him.
