Scars and Nightmares

chapter 18

Goitsimedi ‘GM’ Tholo

“GM won't you be late for your test?” I turned and faced the other side. KB shook me again but I didn't turn around. I couldn't imagine how my face looked after all the crying we did last night. My temples were throbbing badly.
“GM come on wake up.” she pulled the blankets off that's when I woke up and looked at her.
“Keng?”
“You’re going to be late.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost half past six.” I looked at her dressed in her school uniform and wondered what time they got up after what happened last night. The door opened Sedi walked in also in her school uniform. She was only starting exams next week and KB was writing her first paper today. They didn't need my drama to stand in the way.
“Let me go make something quick for you two. Will a chicken mayo be okay?” I tried standing up but I wobbled a few times, they caught me.
“GM sit down, we made ourselves lunch it's okay. We even had breakfast don't worry.”
    This was a first, I was used to doing everything for them in the morning before they left for school. For the first time they made their own lunch.
“I’m sorry I couldn't make your lunch boxes, I did not hear my alarm.” Sedi was trying her best to avoid eye contact. I tried touching her but she moved backwards. She still blamed herself for what Thapelo did.
“You didn't hear the alarm because I switched it off.” KB said with no shame. Before I could open my mouth their transport hooted outside.
“See you later!” they both said and ran out.

Once they were gone I sighed and lie down on the bed. My life keeps taking wrong directions. When will I get a breakthrough?
My phone vibrated under the pillows, it was a message from KB–

I love you GM, I might not tell you this every day but I do. I don't know what Lesedi and I, would be if it had not been for you. You have always been our pillar through all we've been through. I know how it must have not been easy raising me and Lesedi when you were just a child as well. I want to tell you that you have been doing a great job!
I don't know how you did all that you did for us with so much grace.. how you always put us first before yourself. You're my role model and you will always be my queen. I wish I could erase every trauma you have faced, just so you could tackle this life with no pain.
I hear you cry in your sleep sometimes and it breaks me into tiny pieces that Frank and Thapelo are the reasons why you're crying in your sleep when you're supposed to be resting. I don't know what you're going through at the moment but I know that you can beat it! Please don't give up just yet, please fight. Lesedi and I, will be there every step of the way. Maybe it's time we consider therapy.. I mean all of us. Ke a gorata ausi waka...

I smiled while reading the message. This was very cute and special. I fixed the bed then had the quickest bath in history. I usually take thirty to forty-five minutes to bath and get dressed but today, today I did everything in twenty minutes! I didn't care how I looked. I was in too much pain in the inside to worry about how I looked.
There was no time for breakfast, I grabbed my bag, locked then walked out. Passing the house where Mabutho, lived, for the first time ever since I met him, I wished that I didn't bump into him. I looked and felt terrible. I didn't know if it was his turn to drive the taxi today. I had passed his house when Thobile called out my name. I stopped and looked at her with a forced smile on my face. She ran to me holding a sling bag.
“Hey girl.” she said out of breath.
“Hi.” she held my hand and asked if I was okay. I nodded but she didn't believe me.
“Are you sure you're fine?”
“Yeah.” we walked until we got to the stop sign where we could get a taxi to town.
“I woke up late, now Mabutho has left without me.” she said trying to hold a conversation. I was lost in my thoughts to entertain her. A taxi stopped and we got inside. We sat next to each other then paid.
“My sister, Nomzamo has been on my case about me not being responsible just because I don't want to do nursing like her. I'm into beauty but she doesn't get it. I want to own a beauty spa some day but she's having none of that.”
“Yeah..”
“Goitsimedi what's eating you up?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I have been trying to hold a conversation with you but you're not interested. Am I annoying you perhaps? I know I can talk a lot and that can be annoying to people.”
“You’re not annoying me, I'm just thinking about a test I have to write today.”
“Mabutho tells me that you're at a culinary school.. girl you need to invite me for dinner some day.” Thobile poked me gently on the shoulder.
“He told you?”
“Yes. Now tell me, did your family also give you grieve about what you wanted to study?”
“No.”
“Lucky you! I'm the last born so you can imagine the treatment back at home.”
“After robot! this is where I get off,” I said to Thobile.