Scars and Nightmares

chapter 24

Goitsimedi ‘GM’ Tholo

The door opened and it creaked as it opened. A tall man walked closer to the little girl in the corner and pulled her up by the hem of her dress, as though she was a piece of paper. He pinned her against the wall and choked her slender neck; the little girl kicked in the air then she tilted her head a bit– our eyes locked and I noticed that I was not the little girl in the mirror, the little girl was my mother. “Sebaga ngwanaka o kae..?” the voice said outside the dark room.
The little girl looked very tired and only hanging by a thread. She looked very hungry... The images I saw on the mirror disappeared and all I saw was myself. I was still wearing the long blue dress with a yellow and white headscarf. I didn't look scary anymore, I looked normal. I looked like my regular self; tired and stressed.
  Suddenly I heard heavy footsteps near the door. I looked for a place to hide but the room I was in was very small. Smaller than the one I saw on the mirror. My heart raced and I heard them– I knew those voices very well. They were here to finish what they had started. I saw him first; Frank was bigger than the last time I had seen him in orange overalls. He had tattoos all over his dark skin, and had one eye covered in a patch. The more he walked in; the more fear crept to my bones. He gave me the same smile he gave me when I was twelve.
“You’re not real!” I said standing firmly next to the mirror. “You don't exist.”
“We're real pumpkin.” Thapelo said walking in holding an axe.
He ran to me with the axe held up high and...

I sat upright while panting– my hand on my chest while I shook my head. It was a dream, it was a dream I said to myself silently. I climbed off the bed to get some water. I looked at the time on my phone it was 04h00. I sat on the edge of the couch still terrified from the dream I woke up from. I couldn't remember everything but I knew for a fact that the girl who I thought was me, was my mother. How I missed that in the first dream, had no idea. Sebaga was my mother's name. Why was I even dreaming about my mother as a child? I have never been one to dream. I walked back to our room and took out a blade from my toiletry bag and returned to my seat. As I removed the bandage, tears fell from my ears. I had a lot of sadness inside me that I could not explain. I made small cuts then leaned back in the couch as my wrist became numb. Self harming had become my favourite drug.

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Today, KB was writing her final paper and I decided to make her an omelette that had bacon, mushrooms, and spinach from last night then added grated parmesan cheese. I also made doughnuts dipped in white chocolate and drizzled with dark chocolate. I placed everything on the coffee table before I went to wake her and Sedi up.
Her smile when she saw the little set up I made for us. She looked at me then back at the set up.
“You made this for me?” she sat on the pillow on the floor.
“Just something for your final paper, you need the strength.”
“Haah, this looks even better than what I got yesterday.” Sedi mumbled while she sat down. We laughed at her as she stuffed her mouth with the doughnuts.
“Jealousy so early wena Lesedi!” KB shoved her. They shoved one another and I could only smile at them.

After KB had left for school, I packed some doughnuts for Thobile then walked to their house. I had not been inside. I noticed that the quantum was not outside– he must be working I said internally. I knocked softly then moved back. I was about to knock again when the door was widely opened. Mr quantum stood in front of me, topless... I studied him from the chest going down, he looked like someone who visited the gym regularly– he wore some shorts and had flip-flops on.
“Ntokazi?”
“Hello.. ” I stuttered while looking down. “O teng Thobile?” he moved from the door and said I could come in. (is Thobile around?)
He lead me to the kitchen and said he was coming. He returned wearing a vest and asked if I would like anything to drink. Mabutho had a voice, his voice alone made me feel things I didn't want to feel for the other gender. But him, he snuck into my thoughts without lifting a finger.
“Awusho, niyaphi wena noThobile?” (tell me, where you and Thobile are going?)
“Si, si.. uhm..” my Zulu decided to deplete before I could even form a sentence, what a shame. Mabutho was staring at me while his back was against the fridge; with a glass of water in his hand and a brow raised. I watched him swallow the water and I swallowed as well.
“We are going to club nudity.” I said after a long while.
We sat in silence with him staring at me, while I tried to avoid his stares.