Please have mercy

Pressure

She woke up with the sentiment that she had slept for far too long. Her mind was groggy but she felt rested and warm under the covers, an inviting nest that she had no intention of leaving anytime soon. She couldn't remember moving from the couch to the bed and guessed that she had sleepwalked at some point during the night.

The unplanned days and infinite leisure time on the Finalizer had made her lazy, she did not wake up at dawn and did little to no productive work. Her hours weren't counted and no one particularly needed her help, she was not rushed from a child to an injured old man and she was not given any cleaning duties either. She pondered asking her husband for something to do but decided it would be a bad idea since his unpredictable behavior entailed that he could ask her for an impossible task only to watch her fail and revel in punishing her afterward. She would be better off finding things by herself.

She didn't have time to request for Numa to come and help her get dressed when the door opened, the supreme leader coming in holding the usual breakfast platter. His eyes instinctively went for the low tables and the couches that she normally sat in, then drifted to the window sill where she used to sit, before landing on her in the bed.

He seemed surprised to not see her up and ready as she normally was, with a chosen gown and a different headpiece that covered specific areas of her face every time. Instead, she was sitting upright in his bed with the blanket pulled up high around her chest, her hair unbound and messy from the night of tussle and her nightgown that mixed the temple's and Coruscant's fashion for sleepwear: a thin almost sheer white fabric that fell loosely down to the floor and hung openly on her shoulders. Some women wore them slanted to one side, others preferred the chemises with ties around the neck or simple slim straps. Hers, modestly covered her arms in blog flowy sleeves that gathered around her wrists, she liked that only her neck and shoulders were exposed, parts of her body she did not really keep much concern about.

"I figured you'd be awake by now," he said, placing the platter down on the table.

The design and furniture had not been chosen with the idea of someone eating every day in here. It had been planned out more like a living room to have a quick snack in or share a tea rather than have a meal.

She wondered if he ate in that room they had been in on their wedding day with the huge circular table, if he shared meals with any other people or if he ate alone as if it was a task to get rid of. She thought about who was allowed to see his face on the ship and what she had to do to gain that privilege as well. Perhaps if they were truly face to face, he would act less harshly without the layer of metal he hid behind, maybe he would even feel the repercussion of his actions on her if she could communicate her emotions through her eyes.

Although she was grateful for the breakfast, and his happier mood, the memories of her training to become empress trotted in her mind. She had been told to never present herself in a disheveled way for it could gain bad favors from the husband if she was unpretty. Even if he was her husband, some found it scandalous that she would show herself in such a state to the supreme leader. Most of the training had been given by political men that had met the leader for only brief moments or had insight on this sort of strangely different royalty, she had thought that perhaps they had simply told her things they personally preferred in a wife enveloped with customs and rules the First Order had adopted. She was starting to feel like they had lied to her about almost everything and that she had to undo all of the crude hours of teachings they had engraved into her brain.

He had seen her in many worst states and had not commented on her appearance further than the first time he had seen her naked. She guessed it didn't that much more effort than having a desirable body for him to be satisfied, that he probably didn't notice the slight change in her clothing. Still, she tried not to stray too far away from the rules she had been given.