Please have mercy

Pardon

After the first hours of banging on the door until the side of her wrist became cramped, she had given up on trying to gain back his attention and get his forgiveness. Even as she murmured apologies pressed against the door, there was nothing in return, she understood that he would not be coming back for a while.

Most of the duration had been spent in silence, where she curled around herself, blindly patting down her arm trying to figure out what was wrong with the sensation her body provided due to the complete darkness she had been locked into. He seemed to have left, she couldn't hear anything coming from the outside, even as the hour passed.

She had tried counting to get an estimate at the passage of time, and when she had gotten tired of numbers, she had the urge to start braiding her hair to occupy her mind, being unable to work with her hands without making her dislocated arm throb. Staring into nothing had made her unreceptive to the progress of days, and as her thoughts scattered with a disruptive flow, she had nothing reliable to base herself on.

At least there was water, she could drink from the sink using her memory to guide her, and run her fingers under the hot water when they became numb, doing her best to stay warm. She's not succeeding in it, she's extremely cold, shivering as she rubbed her body or moved around the small space.

The thought of swallowing the razors he used to shave had crossed her mind, but most of the things in the cabinet had been emptied as if he was moving out of the quarters. The mirror had been removed as well, the only sharp glass that remained was the shower wall which was far too thick for her to break on her own. She trailed her fingers on the bottles, remembering what they were by their shape until she gave up on her feeble attempt to end her life.

If she stared into the dark for too long, her mind would pull tricks and her eyes would imagine things. A burst of lights coming from under the door, lightning, a glowing red lightsaber, a melted mask, figures speaking without emitting sounds. Her mouth felt as if full of ashes, her stomach, empty from the previous days, had stopped sensing the hunger and had returned to its clenched stressed state.

She fell in and out of sleep, her vivid dreams haunting her, forcing her to stay awake in order to escape them. She had kept imagining Numa in the corner of the room, scornfully looking at her, blaming her for her death. She apologized, out loud to an empty room, recalling every small mistake she had made until she had atoned with no one to bless her.

A crashing sound resonated, muffled slightly by the thick doors, but still definitely coming from the outside of the room, shortly followed by the faint blaring alarms. An attack, she thought, someone had made it all the way here, the footsteps too hurried and too light to be her husband.

She braced for his return, or an intrusion, but nothing came, the sound stayed far, coming from an adjacent room. The white one, she guessed, focusing on the clashing sounds of lightsabers. Then the sounds ceased and the silence returned, making her think she had made the whole sequence in her mind.

Her arm ached horribly and she had no clue how to fix it, now knowing how to replace the bone in her elbow, choosing to leave it undisrupted and try not to move her limb as much. She didn't want to risk taking a shower to warm herself and risking freezing dry afterward, instead she sat with her back to the tub, her knees drawn up to her chest wishing she had never touched anything.

She didn't want to think of the future, she had no idea what it would lead to anymore, how she could arrange her mishaps and put back the broken pieces. She didn't know if she could kiss him again without the thoughts of disdain screaming at her that he was a liar, she couldn't even perceive sleeping with him and pretend that nothing had happened like all the previous times he had hurt her.