Unsent Letters With Words Unsaid.

What if(s) for attention.

Crashing onto the bed after a day I had no expectations from,

Gazing up at the ceiling

Mind filled in with the thoughts of "no one cares"

but was it all true?

Everyday it seems my duty

to strike a conversation with the people I feel are sunshine to me,

but are they really the sun I am looking for?

Cause every passing day

we grow apart,

from daily texts to rarely talking

to absolutely distant,

is this what they meant by the promises of' being here for me always'

Or maybe it's just me who feels

I am over doing my efforts?

Will they even care if I go away?

If I walk out like I never existed,

If I stay away from their daily-to-rare texts?

Will they look for me if I don't respond?

Why does it feel like I am doing it for attention?

The hopes living beneath my skin

craves for being felt important

cause every night when I stay alone

I fight with the demons

to not feel like a pretentious trash human

who's good for nothing.

For one beautiful night,

when the stars are sparkling like the ocean waves

brightened up by the sunshine,

I wanna feel important,

important to exist, important to be here,

important for someone even a bit

important enough to let those rare texts turn into daily texts?

What if I crave to be an useful existence

and not a utter disappointment every second of my heart's rhythm?

What if I say I wanna live,

and not just be here?

What if I say I am seeking attention,

attention from the ones who are sunshine to me,

cause for them,

I can chase stars

I can be the source of comfortable silence,

I can be the comfort place they dream of,

I can be the happiest being

if they smile cause of me.

Is it still wrong to just expect a bit of attention?

Attention so that I can feel alive,

useful, important,

and not just someone who's existing,

but a someone who's living,

aligning the stars for

bringing comfort to

the hearts who are sunshine.

I wanna exist, I wanna live,

I wanna make my  promises of 'being there for them'  come true

even if they broke theirs.