OH MY LAN!

Chapter 1: Honey Moon Blues

Note: This chapter has 18+ content, so read with one eye open.

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"Our wedding was a blast! A week of partying and odd ceremonies: courtesy of the Lan Clan. It was the perfect fairytale wedding, that I can say... However, the HONEYMOON was a horror story altogether...*still gives him the chills*... I am not gonna talk about it. Period!"

~Chapter 1~

As part of the requirements in the Lan tradition, the couple's nuptials has to take place at the bride's home on the night of their wedding. Not only that (here comes the weird part), two representatives from each side has to be present to make sure the consummation goes smoothly. In Wei Ying and Lan Zhan's case, the best men had to take up that task.

Hence Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen assumed their post at the outer chamber after helping the newlywed out of their heavy robes.

The two men on guard sat at the entrance quietly, minding their own business when...

"Aiyah, Lan Zhan!"

A pitched voice broke through.

Jiang Cheng flinched at the first heartwrenching cry. 'Keep calm, it's a normal process, your cousin is just popping his cherry, do not freak out.' He closed his eyes and took a silent breath, pretending Xichen was not right beside him.

"It's not gonna fit..."

"I'll be gentle,"

"Ah, no...Aiyah, it's too deep Lan Zhan, it hurts."

"...It's only the tip, my love," they could hear Wangji's hoarse voice vibrate.

'Tch! just the tip my ass, say sorry you fucker...,' Jiang Cheng clenched his fist into a ball, secretly grumbling in his head. Beside him, Lan Xichen was beginning to imagine all the things his brother must be doing wrong in there. 'We talked about this Wangji, put his pleasure first, nice and slow,' Xichen would have massaged his temple had someone not been beside him.

"Uh...*weeping*...why is it growing bigger!... Aish, go slower."

'For heaven's sake just shut up and take it like a man!' Jiang Cheng's facial muscles twitched.

" Oh, god...no more...have mercy. Ah, my poor ass."

Jiang Cheng's head dropped. 'Why, why did I agree to this. One more...just one more cry out of him and I'm calling it off.' he took one last breath then...

"Ahh!"

"Okay that's it.", Jiang Cheng attempted to get up. Xichen is fast enough to stop him. "Where are you going, they're not done," He whispers.

"Are you deaf? You want that brother of yours to kill my cousin on their wedding night?"

"Lower your voice, they will hear you."

"I don't give a fuck, call this off now!... Why is your brother so bad at this anyway?", Jiang Cheng lifts his knee off the ground.
Xichen grabs his wrist and yanks him down, causing the other to tumble over. "Just like Wei Ying, Wangji is also new to this, so let them find their way around it. Im not sure young master Jiang became an expert in this area overnight," he grinned.

Jiang Cheng was rendered speechless, staring at the other like a demon in white robes. "You're gonna regret saying that to me, Lan Xichen...", he jerked his hand and got off his 'inlaw'...

When birds chirped at daybreak, the best men's role was done. They helped the newlyweds get ready and declared a successful nuptial ritual to the elders during tea time. Madam Jiang was sort of heartbroken to see her nephew limp with such puffy eyes.