you matter, sincerely me

chapter one

Your Pov

beep beep beep

I sighed , and slap the alarm clock button and rub your eyes. New starts were hard, like really

 hard. My mom, brother Micheal and me had moved here during the summer after your 

parents divorced. So far I  talked to the neighbors the Hansen's. Hedi was nice and she has a  

son around my age named Evan. At first he was super shy, but slowly I became friends with 

him over the summer. Which I found out you'd be going to the same school that Evan went to,

 which brought me back to today. I wasn't very good with first impressions, but this would

 be different. This time I'd be less invisible, I'd be more memorable. 

I sighed again in defeat and crawled out of bed, and changed from a grey sweatshirt to a black

 sweatshirt then threw on some jeans and converse. 

"y/n, Micheal it's time for breakfast." mom yelled. 

"Got it." I yelled back, well sorta. I was brushing my teeth so it was kind of mumbled.

Micheal and I ran down the stairs and sat down at the table. Pancakes, Micheal and I's favorite,

 she could probably sense that we were nervous. After breakfast Micheal and I grabbed our bags

 then he drove us to school in his P.T. Cruiser (hehe be more chill.) 

Once we got to school I saw normal high-school stuff, teenagers pushing each other, people

 making out, people who were probably high. Yup normal high school stuff. While walking to My

 first class of the day, I saw some kid push Evan over. I should have done something, but I didn't.

 I just kind of froze and watched. I knew what it was like to have people pick on you.... I should

 have done something. Then when I got to class around fifteen minutes after class started the

 grungy kid that pushed Evan. Great.  or the most part he didn't seem that bad during class, he

 was quiet and spaced out. I don't know maybe he was high too, who cares though.  After class

 ended he looked asleep, well or dead. One, two three taps on his should 

"uh hey class ended." I said hoping he wasn't dead.

He bolted up quickly and stared at me for a moment. His eyes were red, from weed or crying you

 couldn't quite tell. 

"thanks." he said quietly standing up. He was quite a bit taller, you had to tilt your head up to

 look at him in the eyes. 

"um i'm y/n" you said awkwardly.

"Connor." he said simply. 

the two of you looked at each other a bit longer before he walked away suddenly. 

'That was odd' you thought to yourself, yet a small smile crept upon your face. For someone that

 earlier pushed  your neighbor/friend he was actually kind of nice.

Connor's Pov

Why was she staring at me? She probably thinks i'm a freak like everyone else. Why'd I walk

 away? That didn't help make her think i'm less of a freak. Why did she even bother to talk to

 me? What's the point of anything? Walking to my next class, the paranoia set in and I started

 questioning everything. At this point it was normal. I sat down at another desk and buried my

 head in my arms questioning my existence all together. This repeated itself throughout the day,

 except during lunch; during lunch I sat under a tree and smoked for a bit. Then the routine

 continued for the rest of the day. At the end of class I decided to go to the computer lab and to

 print something out for English class. I waited in line for the my paper to print. I saw that kid

 Evan? Was that his name? 

"Uh how'd you break your arm?" I asked loosely gesturing to his cast. 

"O-oh er um, I fell out of a tree." he said stuttering a bit. He was nervous, I mean fair enough I did

 push him earlier, so I guess that's my fault anyway.

"That's the fucking saddest thing I've ever heard." and that probably didn't help at all, damnit I

 need to stop being so... so rude. 

"Um I see no one signed your cast, you got a pen?" I asked, attempting to be nicer.

He shakily handed me a sharpie "O-oh it's okay y-you don't have too-."I cut him off by grabbing

 the pen and writing my name in big letters across his cast. 

"oh, thanks." he said quietly. I noticed he was after me and grabbed his paper off the printer. 

"This is your's right? Dear Evan Hansen?" I said scanning the page when something interesting

 caught my eye. "Zoe Murphy?" I paused. "You wrote some creepy shit about my sister on

 purpose didn't you?" I said suddenly feeling my blood boil. "You knew I was gonna find this, you

 think I'm a freak!" I said pushing him aside, storming out of the room.  Yup, i'm definitely a

 freak. I re-read the paper more in detail and now I felt bad, the letter was still a little creepy. I

 mean i'm pretty sure this kid never even talked to my sister. But still, I over reacted..... like I

 always do. I walked to the park and sunk under a tree. Why couldn't I be normal, why was I

 fucking psychotic. Maybe everybody was right, maybe I was a freak. What's the point of any of

 this anyway? A couple tear's fell down my cheek as I sat alone in a park.


Your Pov

After school I decided to get some fresh air and walk home through the park, and visit the ducks.

 While walking through the park to the pond I noticed someone under the tree, which normally I

 wouldn't just shrugged it off. But I couldn't, it reminded me of Connor, wait no I think it is

 connor. I walked over 

"Uh Connor right?" I asked. His head turned in my directing and he looked up at me. 

At first he looked angry, then sad, then neutral. He responded to me with a nod. I felt bad,

 maybe he wasn't as bad as he seemed. I mean after all geode's look like rocks on the outside,

 but are quite beautiful on the inside. I sat down next to him, but not too close because I didn't

 100% know how he'd react. 

"Mind if I sit here with you?" I decided to ask.

"Sure." he responded in a quiet, raspy voice. And we just sat quietly for awhile. A couple hours

 later I realized I never told my mom and brother where I was. 

"I should probably go, my family will be worried if I don't get home soon." I paused, I grabbed a

 pen out of my bag and a small piece of paper. I quickly jotted down my number and slipped it

 into Connors hand. 

"here's my number if you ever need to talk to someone." He didn't respond, but I could've sworn

 I saw him smile a little, for a split second. 

With that I got up and started walking home, and Connor was on my mind the whole time. I

 don't know why I cared about his well being so much, but I did.