I wake up and I realize that I'm up early. The house is still dark and everyone except Dahyun is asleep. I can hear her watching something in her room.
I knock and she seems surprised that someone is knocking. The noise stops and she unlocks the door.
"Oppa, are you here for something? Isn't school still hours from now?" she asked nervously.
"Well, I got up early and I just want to check up on you. Are you sure you're fine alone? My room is always open when you need me." I said. What the fuck am I saying? I am I flirting with my sister? Just because she's Dahyun doesn't mean I can flirt with her. She's my sister even if I don't recall her being so.
"No need oppa, I'm fine. Is there anything you need though? You seem pretty bothered" she replied.
"Actually, I want to ask about yesterday. What do you mean by 'I should open my heart'?" I asked.
"Well, I know you're mad at mom and dad. Dad hid something though, it explains everything. I found it while cleaning his stuff which is why I never held a grudge against him" she said.
"What did he hide? Why is he hiding something from us?" I asked.
"It's a book. A notebook. It will make sense if you see it yourself. Look for it in his drawer" she replied.
I nod and get ready to head out. I don't care if I'll be late for school. I need to know what's inside the book he's hiding.
I sneak out of the house and see our house being taken care of by the housekeepers. I ring the doorbell and everyone seems surprised to see me.
"Y/N, what's the matter. We're doing just fine here if you're worried".
I ignore them and head straight to my parent's room. I check my father's drawer and see a notebook with our family picture on the cover.
I open it and it looks like... his diary? No, the information isn't about his life. It's about his actions.
If you're reading this, then you're either Y/N or Dahyun. If not, please give this to them when I pass.
I know my actions to you 2 are harsh and abusive. You probably won't forgive me for what I've did and that's fine. What matters is that you find the happiness and love I couldn't give you. I did my actions because I don't want you to end up like me. I know you 2 will find the happiness you need even if you have to kill me. If you can't find the satisfaction and relief you need, then I will let you... end my life. It might be a dumb reason, but I know how important joy is in someone's life. I might have taken it away from you when you were young, but I am willing to return it even if it means my death. Punishments make you stronger and allow you to be more careful about making mistakes. It was the best solution I thought of that time. I thought there was nothing wrong with being strict since I can repay you, but I was wrong. Even though, I don't plan to stop. I know you won't forgive me even if I do, so I might as well keep helping you grow and keep building your anger for me, so that my passing will feel even more relieving. I've never said this before. I don't know why, I guess I was too focused on making you two stronger, but... I love both of you. I'm not being pretentious, I genuinely love both of you.
-Dad
My tears start to form from my eyes. I don't understand. Why did he not thin we wouldn't forgive him. Is it because of me? Was I being to resentful? It's too late now. I'm sorry dad, I wish I was brave enough to admit that I still loved you. I miss you.
I hug the notebook while I sob on the floor. Why? Why did I keep my love away from him? I'm so stupid.
I finally walk out of the room after I got to compose myself. The housekeepers seem worried about me.
"Y/N, you're not supposed to read that. That's your dad's" they say.
"Dad... is dead. I wish I was able to apologize" I say. They all gasp and comfort me.
"We're sorry Y/N. Your dad wanted us to stay quiet about this. He said that he'll show you when you've lost hope".
Right, when I lose hope. Why didn't he show me though when I tried committing suicide multiple times? Did he know that I still wanted to live?
I leave the house and realize that the others are probably getting ready for school.
Thank you dad, you taught me that I don't have to learn love. I already know it. I just need to learn how to use it.
I arrive back at the dorm and everyone was ready to leave.
"Y/N! Where have you been? Why did you sneak out?" Nayeon asked me worriedly.
When did she get so worried about me? Could she be showing her love for me right now? No, don't be ridiculous. She might just be genuinely worried.
"I went back home to get something". She then looks at the notebook I was holding.
"Is that your notes for school?" she asked. I just nod and run upstairs to get changed. Dahyun was waiting for me in my room.
"So, have you forgiven them?" she asked.
"Yes, I've also learned how to open my heart" I reply. She laughs at me clearly bragging.
"I also found something rather interesting in your drawer" she says. My eyes widen and I start to get nervous.
"Oppa, where did you get this?" she asked as she held up the underwear I stole from Nayeon.
I immediately shut the door behind us and pin her by the wall. She moans due to my sudden aggressiveness.
"You won't say anything about this" I say in a cold voice.
"Y/N, you're hurting me" she says as she tries to let go of my grip on her.
"Not until you promise to not say anything about this".
"Fine, please... let me go!" she cries. I let go of her and she falls to the floor.
"Oppa, what was that about?! I thought you learned to open your heart?" she asks.
I snap out of my anger and realize that I went too far with my anger. I didn't mean to hurt her though. I just wanted to ask her not to say anything.
"I'm sorry. I got carried away" I reply.
"I won't say anything, but we'll have to talk about this when you get home. Get ready for school, creep" she hisses as she gets out.
I quickly fix myself for school. I skip breakfast and I leave with the others.
"Y/N, what's up with your notes though? You snuck out to get those?" Nayeon asks while we're in the van. It's louder than yesterday and everyone is having a chat.
"They're more than notes. They reminded me of something I could use later on. On a special someone" I reply.
"Eh? You're notes can be used on people?" she asks.
"You'll find out soon enough" I reply. Wait what? Am I flirting with her. Dumbass Y/N. Just because you've remembered how to love doesn't mean you get to use it on everyone. I don't even think of Nayeon like that.
________________________________________________________________________________
Hello reader, I'll be trying to update this story everyday unless I'm busy. Thank you to the few people who have spent their time reading this so far. I know it's sloppy and slow, but I promise it will get interesting in the upcoming chapters. To be honest, I'm having doubts on my writing skills. Sometimes I think my story isn't good or I wish I could change it. I try my best to put out work that is good. I'm sorry if I can't make it as good as your expectations, but I promise that I put my whole heart into writing this. Anyway goodbye and thank you again. - A/N, TeudoongieIsLoveAN
YOU ARE READING
Another Word for Paradise, You ( Nayeon X Reader )
Fanfiction" Out of a billion faces, why is yours my favorite? " Y/N, a depressed student who lives a normal life, suddenly becomes Dahyun's brother and Nayeon's classmate. Something isn't right though, he feels as if he doesn't have full control of himself. I...
