Newt's Assistant: A Newt Scamander FanFic

Chapter Fifty One

It's been only a few months since Christmas, but Eleanor was still having trouble finding happiness in everyday life.

At one point during those months, Eleanor had picked up the box Queenie had gifted her for Christmas that was sitting in her closet. When she opened she choked and threw the box of baby clothes and toys as far as she could and sobbed into her knees until she heard a knock at her bedroom door and the sound of it creaking open slowly.

"Oh El..." Newt's voice came from behind as he took in the scene of her sobbing with baby toys and clothes strewn throughout the room. "Come here love."

He took her into his arms tightly and held her as close as humanly possible so she couldn't get out of his grip to see that he also had a tear escaping his eyes.

"We're going to be okay." He whispered into her ear and quickly waved his wand to make it all disappear back into the box and hidden far back in the closet.

As the month went on, Eleanor found herself washing dishes after dinner the muggle way rather than using her magic. She found it comforting in a way others wouldn't understand. Theseus had questioned her as he came back into the kitchen for a snack.

"You know magic is a thing right?" He had asked.

"You know we just had dinner thirty minutes ago, right?" She had asked back.

"I'm bored." He confessed. "I eat when I'm bored."

"Must be bored a lot then." She said and almost smiled.

"Ellie, can I ask how you're doing?" He said after pausing for a solid ten seconds.

"Everyone keeps asking and I truly do not have an answer... I don't feel sad anymore." She stopped, but Theseus knew she wasn't done talking.

"I'm angry." She finally said. "Mad at myself, at Grindelwald, at the world. I can't sleep. I think I've run out of tears. I can't remember the last time I only weighed 105 lbs. I feel sick all the time. I'm just floating and can't find solid ground."

Theseus nodded and bowed his head, not knowing how to respond to her words.

"And I miss Queenie so much. She would be the only one to know exactly what I'm feeling. Merlin, I'm so mad at her right now, but if she walked through those doors I would forgive her immediately." She said. She wasn't washing dishes anymore, only standing with the water running and the sink was nearly about to overflow until Theseus stopped it.

"I can't understand how you're feeling, but I know we are sharing the same emotions right now. Anger... guilt. I get it, El, I really do." He said as they leaned with their backs against the counter.

"Do you think you'll ever love again?" Eleanor had asked him.

"I would like to hope for it, but no one will ever compare to Leta." He replied.

"She truly was a gem. One of a kind." Eleanor said quietly.

"That she was." He was silent again and as Eleanor was about to turn, he spoke again. "Do you think you and Newt will try for another baby?"

Eleanor stopped in her tracks and let out a sigh.

"We were never trying, to be honest." She confessed.

"I see." Theseus responded.

"I just don't know what the future holds. We might be going to war soon." Eleanor said.

"You can't pause your life over a war you don't know how long will last." Theseus said. "You need to live your life as you want. Cherish everything. You never know how much time you'll have left."