Found You

finding... 09

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xyra

"What happened?" Linzy asked when I got closer to them.

I just wrote our records on our paper and passed it to Sir Salva right after. I don't have any chance to say something to Cai before leaving him behind. I also thought that there's nothing more to say.

"Nothing," I almost said in a whisper as I slowly shook my head. Inabot ko ang mga gamit ko bago naupo sa monobloc na nasa lilim malapit sa room ng varsity.

I shut my eyes intently when the scene flashed back into my mind. "Ugh..." I can't help but pull my hair in frustration.

When I got to have a clear view of his flashing eyes, looking straight at me, I couldn't help myself but to be drawn.

It was like a void that is pulling me in closer and closer until I cannot go away from it, as his perfume lingers up to my nose in such a way that I wouldn't want to resist. It's as if you are being hugged by its curse. The feeling of suddenly wanting more even the consequences are unstoppable.

It's the feeling of the after-shower hour. That feeling that after just a few scrubbing of a towel, you might have just fallen asleep from its calming lullabies and ease your mind like there is no tomorrow. Like there is no possibility of some things not going according to what you want.

As if it is just you and him in your own world. No external voices and hands that will push you down. Just pure serenity, for you will have no worries.

But, no...

It is all as if. It is all like. It is all just daydreaming.

It is never the nightmares. It is never sleep paralysis. It is never the reality.

Because behind the hope of warm skies, melodious chirps, and spring breeze...

There are the unexpected hurricanes, wild waves, and horrifying darkness...

that you cannot run from.

And that is all I've got...

Those fresh eyes are just the facade of a huge swirl of a typhoon. All of those warmth coming from those stares, from his perfume, from his presence are just veils made up to cover all of the tears, the heartbreak, and the trauma.

Just like the moth that became attracted to the piece of lit fire, this girl turned into ashes in a blink of an eye, that up until now, some pieces that I need to fill myself again are still missing... lost in the wilderness of the past.

I had been asking myself if I would be able to forget. Will I be able to walk free again, just like him?

There are questions that I want to ask him. If I ever grab this chance to ask him what has been haunting me for the times that has passed, will he answer it with all honesty? Or will he lie just how he did it that day?

I opened my mouth to try asking. This might be the chance I've been waiting for. He looks fine. He looks like he doesn't really care anymore. How could he lie?

But as if something struck into me, I paused. I remained silent. There is something in my throat that is stopping me from doing it. Parang bigla akong nawalan ng boses sa hindi malamang dahilan.

The thought suddenly came rushing to my mind. What if he just laugh at me because I'm still bothered by what had happened? I said that I am completely moved on from that incident multiple times. Baka isipin niyang umaasa pa rin ako.