Fate's Revenge (Twisted Fate, Book 4)

Chapter Nineteen

Gabe took the long way back to the dorm so that by the time we arrived, nearly fifteen minutes had passed. We didn't speak and nobody tried to stop us. I couldn't see to determine if that's because there wasn't anyone who saw us as we passed through the halls—it was still during school hours—but I hoped they didn't. My nickname had gone from being 'The Survivor' to "Pass-Out Girl' almost as soon as we arrived in Heaven, and I was hoping to create a semblance of self-respect. How could I show my face, let alone tell someone what to do, if all they ever saw was my weaknesses?

"How do you feel?" Gabe asked as soon as the door to my dorm room closed. He crossed the room and set me on my bed.

I opened my eyes, though not without struggle. "How'd you know I was awake?"

"You, uh..." He smiled down to the floor and looked up from behind lowered lashes. "You sort of snore."

"No, I don't," I gasped.

"Well, it's more of a whimper or whistle or something, but yeah." He nodded and laughed, sobering quickly to drag the chair to the side of my bed. "You whimper when you sleep."

"Even when I was in Hell's Fire?" If I had the energy, I would shield my face with my hands, sure that my cheeks were as crimson as they felt flushed. "I didn't talk or anything, did I? Like, you couldn't tell who I was talking with while I was there because my body repeated everything my soul said, right? That would be so embarrassing and... not fair." I sucked in a breath, feeling like I had just battled for ten rounds in the boxing ring. "I should at least be able to have some secrecy if I am supposed to do whatever you and the Sisters assume that I'm meant for."

"No, you didn't make any noise when you left," he said, and the muscle in his jaw began to tick. "When you went to Hell's Fire, you just turned blue. There was no sound when that happened."

I looked at my hands to find the decolourization had vanished. Finding his gaze again, I asked, "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Of course, I remember. But it's not like I can see myself without a mirror. How's the blue gone?" I flipped my hands over again—palm-hand, palm-hand—but it didn't change. "Was I... was I flying?"

He laughed, the sound loud as it echoed in the tiny space of the room. "No, Alyssa, you weren't flying."

"Then what?"

I don't know.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

My gaze narrowed and then I shook my head. It was just my imagination. I couldn't hear angels in my head.

"What did I do, Gabe? Since you're the only one who saw it, I'm kind of counting on you for the replay. You know..." I waved my hand in circles between us, then dropped them, exhaling loudly to add, "Explain it to me."

"I don't know what you did," he said, watching me closely. "You-you don't have wings. There's just..." He shook his head. "You can't fly without wings."

"So then explain it to me."

"I don't know the answer, Alyssa."

I'll have to visit the Sisters. They know what she can do.

"Was I floating?" I asked, trying not to react to what he wasn't saying. How was it possible? Why now?

"Apparently."

We stared at each other in silence. Access to what he was thinking was splotchy, and as much as I tried without being obvious—like squinting or twitching my nose, which I didn't think would help in any case—nothing new became apparent. It was probably for the best. What he'd thought had given me a lot to consider. Judging by the expression on his face now, there would be too much to process if I heard more. What did an angel born at the time of Creation think about after thousands of years? I must seem like such a dunce.

"Do you—" I cleared my throat. "Do you know why I didn't pass out? I always pass out."

"No."

"But?" His face suggested more, simply because he closed off all expression.

He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, just close enough for me to smell the familiar scent but not close enough to touch him without having to exert more energy than I currently had. "There was no light, Alyssa. You always pass out when you've used your light. As far as I can tell, this was the gifts that you inherited from your mother's side of your family—your magical abilities. When they were first presenting in the Mortal Realm, it made you sick because of the barrier that broke on your birthday, which had been restricting them."

"So, what? I don't feel sick now," I said, and then yawned.

If I could just keep him talking, I could digest what he was willing to say as I slept.

"No, but you're tired," he said with a sigh. "It makes sense that it would use your energy, even if it's not enough to cause you to sleep."

I raised an eyebrow and looked up to the ceiling. He made it sound like all I needed to feel better was an energy drink—a five hour booster you can buy at the pay counter of a convenience store. Somehow, I doubted that would work, and they were way too gross to try.

"All I ever did was hover in my sleep," I said, unwilling to look at him.

"That barrier didn't just make you sick, Alyssa. It limited the strength of what you can do."

"So, what? My soul is affected when I help others by using my light and my body suffers when my abilities are used?" I groaned. "Why would I ever want to use either to lead anyone? No matter what I do, I'm hosed, right? I mean, I can't win."

"Well, you just won against me, and you're the only one with the ability to help. It's not like you to simply stand by and watch." He reached out and squeezed my fingers, and then stood.

"What are you doing?"

"Letting you get some rest."

"A-are you coming back?"

Asking was like admitting how vulnerable I felt, like I was weak and couldn't handle everything alone. It was too late to take it back. I held my breath and waited for his answer, not wanting to be left alone as much as I didn't want to run into Suzie or Mike. That made me feel worse than getting knocked down by something as intangible as using my so-called gifts, light or abilities, because it made me feel frail. I don't need anyone to feel safe or whole. I need me and maybe a good book to keep from dying from boredom. That's it.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours." Gabe stepped back, smiling, and began walking to the door without turning to face it.

"Gabe?"

He stopped. "Yes?"

"When I'm feeling better, will you help me figure out what's going on with me?" I asked, still feeling uncertain, but calmer with the knowledge that he would be back soon. I could spend the time sleeping and it would be like minutes passed. "I need to know if there's a way to do the things I do without getting put down."

He hesitated and then nodded.

I watched him go to the door, feeling content. Even when he wasn't with me, I didn't think Gabe ever truly left me alone. It was comforting. Why couldn't he have treated me this way while we were in the Mortal Realm rather than treating me like I was just another employee at the arcade until the day we'd skipped class and gone roller skating? Why didn't he try to stop me and Mike from ever becoming a me and Mike? Now, he acted like he would do whatever he could to keep me happy. Why wouldn't he have tried to save me from the heartache of a forbidden relationship if he knew it was doomed?

"I don't know if I can help you with that without breaking the rules, Alyssa," Gabe finally said after watching me for a few minutes in silence. "There is only so much that we can disclose. I wish I could say more."

"Whatever." I sighed and rolled to my side, blocking him from view.

So much for helping and wanting me to be happy.

Obviously, I was wrong.

The quiet stretched. I heard the door open and assumed he had left without closing it behind him again, but then, after a couple more minutes passed and just before the door finally did shut, a last thought filtered through whatever else he was thinking to reach me: I can get to the Sisters and back before a few hours have passed. Such is the way time works in the Void... Alyssa won't even have to know I've gone.