Twilight: The parody

Another day at Forks High School

Bella went to another science class at Forks High School. She had begun to get suspicious of the weird guy next to her named Edward Cullen. He continually stares at her, looking extremely constipated.

"Has anyone else noticed Edward staring at me? I literally got a paper cut last period, and he looked like he was constipated," Bella asks, a girl in front of her.

" Her smell...it's...intoxicating.. " Edward thinks, taking deep inhales of Bella's scent.

"Are you smelling me?" Bella questions, looking at Edward.

"What..? No, of course not. Hahaha," Edward answers, taking obvious inhales.

" Shit, she caught me ," Edward thinks.

"Can you finish the experiment? I'm going to the bathroom," Bella asks politely.

"Sure," Edward responds a dry as he usually is.

After a few minutes, Edward decides to corner-follow-stalk-look for Bella.

"Teacher, I need to go to the bathroom," Edward says, leaving regardless of what the teacher says.

Edward stands near the bathroom in a position where Bella can't see him when he comes out.

"Why did my period have to-aah! Edward, what are you doing here?!" Bella exclaims, almost hitting Edward.

"I was going to into the bathroom...? You ok?" Edward responds.

"The men's bathroom is across the hall!" Bella retorts.

"I was going to see if there was any soap in this one to wash my hands because there aren't any soap dispensers in the guy's bathroom,"

"There's hand sanitizer in the classroom."

"Hand sanitizer is gross and sticky, and the smell of it makes my nose burn."

"I have some from bath and bodyworks. Those smell really good."

"I k-know that some smell good, but that does not change the fact that it is sticky."

"Ok then. I'm going to leave. My pad is starting to feel very uncomfortable."

"O-oh! Sorry, do you need one then? I have some tampons and pads in my bag for my sister and cousins, so if you need any, I can lend some to you."

"No, it's fine. I was just going to go home. Cramps are killing me."

"Ah ok...I hope you feel better soon.."

"Thank you."

Bella walks into the student parking lot and drives back to her house to find Jacob waiting at the door.

"Jacob, what are you doing here?" Bella asks, shutting the car door.

"I saw you with Edward today. Wanna tell me what that was about?" Jacob explains, hugging his school books.

"We met at the school bathroom, and he offered me period products," Bella responds, putting the key in the lock.

"You should watch out next time that dude is bad news."

"He's a little weird, but I don't think he's bad news."

"Trust me on this one, ok? Let's just say he and I have some... history... together"

" I wonder if Jacob and Edward were dating each other? " Bella thinks, misunderstanding what Jacob meant.

"Um, ok...why are you at my door? Do you wanna come inside?"

"O-oh I just, uh, needed help with the homework today! Yeah, that's it!"

"Oh ok! Come on in! What homework do you need help with?"

Bella and Jacob walk to her room and find some of Bella's dirty pads across the floor.

"Someone was in here," Bella says, horrified.

"You don't say???? I bet it was Edward, that bastard. Do you wanna come to my place instead? I don't know if your house is safe if some weirdo decided to come into your room," Jacob exclaims.

"Oh yeah sure! Wait..is that Edward behind the trees?!" Bella screams.

"Yeahhhhhhhhh....ok let's call the cops," Jacob replies, pulling stuff out of his pockets.

"Agree-oh shit, he's coming to the house!" Bella yells, shutting the curtains.

"Let's get some weapons!" Jacob yells, handing Bella a knife tapped to a ruler, and slips knuckledusters on her fingers.

Edward jumps into Bella's window and growls at Jacob.

"What are you doing here, Eddy-boy?" Jacob growls back.

"While you guys are settling this, I'm going to get more pads and tampons. Make sure to clean up this mess too!'

Edward and Jacob continue fighting each other until they hear Bella pull back into the driveway. They look at each other panicked and start cleaning up until she comes in.

"See, I told you Edward isn't a bad dude!" Bella says, looking at her now clean room.

The night comes quickly, and Jacob goes home. Meanwhile, Edward goes back to stalking Bella by sitting on a tree.

" Oh my darling, how I long for you...and your sweet, tantalizing, blood....wait-what is that mutt doing here?! " Edward mentally muses, getting interrupted by spotting Jacob near the driveway.

"Hi, Jacob! What are you doing here?" Bella greets.

"I couldn't imagine leaving you here vulnerable to Edward, especially since he entered your room already, so I thought it would be best if I stayed the night to protect you from!" Jacob explains.

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't Edward. But, you're welcome to stay the night. You can sleep next to me," Bella offers.

"Oh! Ok, yeah, sure!" Jacob replies.