Twilight: The parody

Bella and the forest

Bella looks at her window and sees that they are greasy.

"Why are my windows greasy?" Bella wonders aloud.

"I adore her greatly.... she truly is my light in the desolate darkness of my life..." Edward mentally coos while he looks at pictures of Bella he took while she was sleeping.

Edward climbs down the tree and trips, landing on the hard ground.

"YOU, BOY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY PROPERTY, THIS IS THE 13TH TIME I'VE SEEN YOU HERE?! FUCK OFF!" Charlie screams as he sticks his head out the window.

Charlie grabs his shotgun and runs out of the house. Edward starts Naruto running and doesn't look back.

"Curses! How am I supposed to protect my darling now?" Edward mentally curses.

"Damn beautiful men, always trespassing on my property... I should get cameras..." Charlie says, looking at the tree Edward was up on.

"I'm spending the night at Jacob's. It's the one place the pretty men won't come," Bella says to her father, jumping out the window with a packed bag full of clothes and essentials and drives to Jacob's house.

"Why did she jump out the window? We have a perfectly good door?" Charlie sighs. "I'm too old for thisshit....I'mma go to sleep."

Meanwhile Bella arrives at Jacob's house.

"Bella! What are you doing here? Is that dickstain bothering you again? I swear to god, if he is, I will totally beat him up again. The asshole deserves it!" Jacob rambles, letting Bella inside his house.

"Dad just had to scare him off our property. That's all. Anyway, I'm sort of scared awake so wanna take a trip through the woods?" Bella says as she places her stuff on Jacob's couch and runs out the door and into the woods.

Jacob follows close behind and stops as he sees Bella near a stream.

"Jacob look at this!" Bella yells as she prepares her legs to hop.

Bella hops from stone to stone through the moving stream.

"You should be careful! You don't want to slip and fall in!" Jacob warns as he watches her and decides to record her on his phone for her inevitable fall and for something to jack off to later.

"I won't fall in!" Bella yells back.

Bella keeps jumping till she reaches the mini waterfall. She jumps from stone-to-stone until she reaches the top successfully. She does a little dance putting her hands in the air and swaying her hips from side to side. As she dances the water makes her shoes lose grip on the rocks and goes sliding down the rocks ruining her socks, shoes, and pants.

"You don't happen to have spare clothes, do you?" Bella asks.

"Ah... You can wear my clothes? They are at my house, but you are welcome to stay over!" Jacob replies, helping Bella out of the water.

Jacob avoids the fact that he has female relatives in the house who can lend their own clothing in order to see her in his clothes.

"You're the best. Please tell me you got me falling recorded?" Bella asks, hoping to post it to Youtube.

Jacob nods and they go back to the house. Bella goes to Jacob's bathroom and uses a clean towel to dry herself off. She takes off her pants, shoes, and socks only to realize she needs underwear.

"Jacob, do you have underwear that will fit me? Mine are completely wet?" Bella asks, peeking her head out of the door.

"Ummm no but I have my boxers? Do you want that or can you just wear pants with no underwear or with wet underwear?" Jacob asks.

"Umm no I'm good, can you check my bag on your couch? I should have underwear in there," Bella replies.

"Oh, sure I'll get it!"

Jacob gets Bella's bag and looks around in it before sniffing the underwear and then putting it back in the bag to give to her.

"Thanks Jacob!"

Bella puts on a fresh pair of underwear and pajamas she packed. She walks out and curls up on Jacob's couch wrapping a blanket from her bag around her.

"Night Jacob."

"Are you sure you wanna sleep on the couch, you can sleep on my bed, you're the guest here!"

"Oh no, it's fine! I'm more comfortable if I sleep on the couch. I'll get goodnights sleep as long as SOMEONE isn't watching me sleep."

"Hmmmm I don't want him sneaking in and creeping on you instead, so I'm gonna camp out here with you, ok? I'll get my blankets and shit."

"Ok."

Bella falls asleep and wakes up with the sun shining down on her. Her dad comes to pick her up and drives her back home giving her a doughnut hole. He tells her he's going to be gone for the day and not get into any trouble. Bella's dad leaves and Bella locks the doors and falls asleep on the couch.

Edward lockpicks the door so he can spy on her and sniff her hair. Though he is unaware of the security cameras that Bella's dad put up.

"...Edward what are you doing here?" Bella asks, slowly lifting her head up.

"I just wanted to watch over you, my darling, to make sure you are alright," Edward explains, even though he caused Bella's car accidents.

"Get out. It's too early for this shit," Bella says monotonal.

Edward has a kicked puppy look as he drags himself to the door. He is going so slow that it takes him five minutes to reach a door that's 10 ft away.

"Oh! Fine you can stay! Just don't do anything creepy! That includes, touching my things, watching me sleep, touching me in my sleep, or anything else morally reprehensible," Bella groans frustrated that her sleep is being disturbed.

"Of course not, my darling!" Edward happily says.

Of course, Edward did morally reprehensible stuff anyway because he has no morals in the first place. This includes raiding her trash because it's technically not "her things" anymore.

"Edward get out of my trash that's so gross!! Can you just get me a pillow of something?!" Bella exclaims becoming more frustrated.

"Yes, my love!" Edward exclaims, sneaking a used pad in his pocket before she sees.

Edward goes across the house and gets her a shitload of pillows from all over the house.

"Yay. Now be a good boy, and don't move from the couch. You wouldn't want me to fall off during my sleep, would you?"