Fathers (Book 4 girlxgirl)

Aftershock

I feel... good.

I readjust my position in her arms, feeling comfortable.

I didn't think I would, but I do. I feel okay with everything that's happened over the past few months and years. It feels like it should've taken me a lot longer to get here but there really isn't much left to do or say about it all. Things are just... good. There isn't really a conflict to worry about. Or at least I don't think there is. I still have questions, they just aren't the kind that I have to answer or everything will fall apart. That probably has a lot to do with how things are going between me and her.

We're in a good place together. We spent so much time angry with each other and trying to hurt each other that it's nice to just be together and not have to worry about that kind of thing. Now we just... are. Not that we're together like we were in the past. That part of us is over and we're both good with knowing that's where we are. It makes things a lot more comfortable. It's why we can be here like we are now and just enjoy each other's company.

Maybe it means I can actually talk about the lingering questions I have and look for some answers without falling apart. And I do have questions I still don't understand. Like how I never noticed that my mom was different from other moms. I mean, I knew she was different in the sense that she wasn't much of a mom. I could see all the other kids would have their moms pick them up from school and mine didn't. I saw how I didn't have the same kind of life when I would go over to birthday parties where it wasn't ruined by the parents getting drunk and destroying things.

What I don't understand is how I could've missed the other things. The supernatural things about her. I probably should've seen it. There were so many signs that I missed. I'm just not sure how I couldn't see it.

"Faith?"

Hearing my name has me shift a little in her arms.

"Yeah B?"

"Are you okay?"

Am I okay?

"Sure... why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, you just... kinda seem lost in thought. I figured I should check in. That's what we're doing now isn't it? Checking in with each other?"

I chuckle a little at her question.

"I hear that's what friends do."

We fall into silence for a while.

"So?"

I guess she's not going to let things go.

"Yeah B... I'm... okay. I was just... thinking."

"Do you mind if I ask about what?"

"Just... stuff. The kinda stuff we said we were gonna leave behind."

There's a moment where she doesn't say anything.

"Oh..."

"Yeah..."

"Well... maybe we should talk about them."

I sit up and move next to her on the couch so we can look at each other. Her concerned look is staring back at me.

"But... we said we weren't going to talk about that stuff."

"Yeah but... what we said was that we'd wait a while before getting into anything heavy. And it's been a while now."

"It's only been a couple months since..."

I don't finish the thought.

"Your mom."

"And yours."

She doesn't respond right away.

"Right..."

"So, I don't want to bring stuff up if it's going to screw up what we have now. I... I like what we have now. I like being friends with you."

She smiles at the last part.

"I do too."

I knew she'd feel the same way.

"Okay then."

Before I can turn my focus back to just hanging with her, she reaches out to touch my shoulder.

"But... we also said we weren't going to keep anything from each other anymore. That we'd be honest about what we're feeling and not hold back. So if you've got things you want to talk about, I'm here."

She really wants to know what I was thinking. Maybe I should just tell her. It might not be so bad.

I take a deep breath before I say anything.

"I... I was just thinking about my mom."

She lets her hand on my shoulder slowly drop to the couch.

"Oh..."

I knew this wasn't going to work.

"See, it's weird."

B takes a deep breath herself.

"No, it's okay. You can talk about it if you want."

I kinda shrug at that.

"Well, there isn't that much to say really. I just... have questions."

She gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Of course you have questions. She kinda dropped this big bomb on you and left you to sort through what's left."

I watch her to make sure she's still good before saying anything.

"So... what do I do?"

There's a long silence as she thinks about it.

"What do you want to do?"

That's kinda the problem.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure where to start."

Again a sympathetic smile comes over her face.

"Well, I kinda have a go to answer for that. We both do."

We both do? What does she mean by...

"We could talk to Giles if you want. He might be able to fill in some of the blanks."

Hmm... that's not a terrible idea I guess.

"You really think he might know something?"

She shrugs.

"Can't hurt to try. I mean, he did have the Council dig up a bunch of stuff when she first came back. Maybe it could tell you something?"

She might have a point.

I smile at her.

"Thanks B."

She reaches out and puts her hand on mine.

"What are friends for?"