Fathers (Book 4 girlxgirl)

Hedging Bets

I feel much better.

Moving forward in line, I stop when it does.

After talking things over with B, I don't feel this weird tension between us anymore. At least not the kind that feels awkward to think about. She's just there. In my head in a completely comfortable way. I don't have to worry about her or anything that might come between us, because we're not that kind of people anymore. I'm not that kind of person anymore. It took talking with B about everything to really see that in myself.

Now I just gotta figure out exactly what kind of person I actually am. Probably a good person but I have to be sure. Hopefully seeing my dad again after all this time will help me figure it out. Maybe seeing who I used to be will give me some kind of closure. Show me how far I've come and what that makes me now. Even if things go horribly wrong, at least I'll know for sure where I stand and who I want to be.

That will at least be something. A place to start to build that person. The important thing is I don't screw that up. And maybe that B likes whoever I become. No matter what I might want to be, if she doesn't like it then it's not worth it. I wanna be the kinda person she'd like. It doesn't have to be the way we were before, but she does have to like me somehow. At least as friends if nothing else. She matters too much to me not to have her care.

There's a chance that spending time with my dad are going to bring up lots of problems. The kinda problems which sent me down the path to almost dying and ending up in a coma. Despite everything, digging into that could go really, really wrong. Which is part of why I figure having B with me is a good call. She'll keep me from going off the rails if things get too much.

She's a better person than I am when it comes to things like that. Probably because of all the crap she's had to put up with. I may have been through a lot over the years, but she's the one who actually managed to keep her conscience and her belief in humanity. I lost mine. So much so that a prophecy and a higher power had to take away my memories just so I could get it back. I don't want to go there again. I hope that she can keep me honest.

"What's wrong?"

Wrong?

I turn back to look at B.

"Hmm?"

She gets this amused smile on her face, then points ahead of me. It makes me turn my focus to the line I've been following. The closest person is probably 5 feet away.

Oh, crap...

I move up quickly and Buffy follows me.

"Thinking about your dad?"

I should probably just be honest.

"Mostly, yeah."

We keep up as the line moves.

"Feeling any better about it?"

"Not really."

"Well, just remember that things are going well. There's no reason to think it won't stay like that."

I chuckle at the suggestion.

"With our track record though?"

She punches me from behind in the shoulder.

"Think positively."

"Okay, I'm positive our track record means this'll end badly."

B laughs.

"Well, it's a start at least."

"You know me, always the optimist."

"Yeah, that's definitely your thing."

We don't say anything for a while as we make our way to the check in point.

I should probably just ask.

"Do me one favour?"

"Anything."

I take a deep breath before saying it.

"Just... make sure I don't go off the rails."

"What do you mean?"

"This probably going to bring up a lot. I'm not sure how I'll react."

We make it to the front of the line.

"I'll let you know if I see anything serious."

I hand my ticket to the ticket taker.

"Thanks B."

She does the same.

I just hope she doesn't have to.