Faith goes looking for her father to answer some of her questions left by her mother's return. Buffy tries to help as best she can, leading her to ask questions about her own relationship with her father and whether she should do the same.
I look down at the little piece of paper in front of me, the scribbles on it almost feeling unreadable.
Can I just... call him up and talk to him just like that? After all this time? Everything that happened to me. All the things I've seen and done since I last saw him? What would I even do? How would I even tell him about it? Or should I even tell him any of it? Maybe it would be better if he didn't know. It's a lot to put on someone if he doesn't. Vampires and demons and magic and all the things that most people don't know anything about. It could send him down a spiral he may never get out of.
It sent me down into a really terrible place. At least some of that inability to handle it probably came from him. I don't want to do that to him if I don't have to. I've hurt so many people in my life, I don't want to add to the list. Of course, that's assuming he doesn't know already. But if he does, what does that even mean? It could be because he knew who Mom was the whole time. He could've been in on everything and helped her do what she did. All the terrible things that happened to me as a kid. He might have done it all willingly.
How do I even handle that if it's true? I'm not sure I can look him in the eye if he helped her. Not after what happened to me. I always thought that Mom really didn't know what happened and she didn't know who it was who crawled into my bed that night. But knowing how who she really was. I'm not so sure that's true anymore. She could've made it part of her plan to make me suffer. To destroy any sense of good I was born with. Make me into a thing of pure evil like she was.
What would I do if this was his fault too?
She comes in from the other room with two bowls of ice cream in her hands. It makes me smile.
"Hey..."
B smiles back as she comes over to the couch and sets one of the bowls in front of me, then sits down with hers.
"How's it going? Make any decisions yet?"
I chuckle, setting the paper down on the coffee table.
"Not really."
She picks up her spoon and scoops up some ice cream before saying anything.
"Can I help?"
I pick up my bowl, turn my focus to her as she looks back at me with the spoon in her mouth.
She's such a goof.
"I don't know. I'm not even sure if it's a good idea to call him. I mean, what would I even say?"
She takes the spoon out and starts in on some more ice cream.
"You could always go with... 'Hi Dad'. It's kinda how I would start if I knew his number."
I pick up a spoonful of ice cream as I speak.
"You really don't have his number?"
B shakes her head at me as she finishes off her ice cream.
"Nope. He didn't even try to get in touch when Mom died, or Dawn, and from what I hear, not even mine. He's just... gone."
I guess she's right. I don't remember seeing him at hers, or Joyce's. That's...
"That's messed up."
She shrugs.
"He hasn't been interested in me for a long time. I'm pretty used to it by now."
Maybe she should...
"But this isn't about me and my daddy issues. This is about you and yours. Why don't you want to call him? What's holding you back?"
I dig a bit into my ice cream, looking down into it.
"I don't know. I... I guess... I'm worried about what he'll say."
She doesn't respond right away.
"About what? About you? Your mom? Your childhood?"
That about covers it.
"All of the above and more."
A silence happens between us.
"I... I'm not sure I wanna know. I mean, what if it's all my fault?"
"How could any of this be your fault? You were just a kid."
I take a deep breath.
"I'm also the daughter of an evil sociopath. She said she wanted me to be like her. What if she took out her frustration that I wasn't what she wanted on him? Made him suffer for what she thought was his fault."
"That still wouldn't be on you. It's on them."
"Unless..."
I don't really finish the thought, but she can't help but ask.
"Unless what?"
I look to her.
"Unless he was in on it the whole time."
She watches me for a while, making sure I mean it.
"You really think he knew?"
Her question makes me give her a kinda confused look.
"How could he not? He was right there."
Again she watches me before she answers.
"I don't know Faith. My mom and dad were around when I became a slayer. They just thought I was acting out. Doing the whole teenage rebellion thing. It took my mom a long time to accept that everything she thought was wrong."
She really thinks he didn't know?
"You think that happened with my dad?"
She gives me a sympathetic smile.
"I don't know Faith. But there's only one way you'll find out."
She looks towards the paper Giles gave me with my father's contact information on it. I do the same.
Maybe it is really that simple.
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