SpideyTorch Oneshot Collection

Fire in the Cold

Summary: "I need you to do me a favor," Johnny said.
"No," Peter said.
"But you didn't even hear what it is yet!" Johnny protested.
"And somehow I already know it's going to be stupid," Peter said. "Okay, fine, shoot. Tell me what it is and then I'll say no."
Johnny took a deep breath.
"I need you to come with me on my family's holiday trip and pretend to be my boyfriend," Johnny said.
Word Count: 8925
by Anonymous on archive of our own

Peter should have known something was up when Johnny practically fell all over himself offering to buy him lunch, but as wise men said, hindsight was 20/20, and Peter had just gotten done beating up a man in a gigantic rhinoceros suit on nothing but black coffee and regret.

To his credit, he did clue in that something was going on somewhere between Johnny offering to let him pick the restaurant and Johnny telling him that the mustard stain on his collar really brought out his eyes.

"Okay, what do you want?" Peter asked, dabbing at it halfheartedly with a napkin.

"I need you to do me a favor," Johnny said.

"No," Peter said.

"But you didn't even hear what it is yet!" Johnny protested.

"And somehow I already know it's going to be stupid," Peter said. "Okay, fine, shoot. Tell me what it is and then I'll say no."

Johnny took a deep breath.

"I need you to come with me on my family's holiday trip and pretend to be my boyfriend," Johnny said.

"Oh," Peter said. He took a moment, playing the words back, making sure he had heard them correctly. Leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms behind his head. Glanced around quickly to make sure he hadn't fallen into some kind of alternate dimension where Johnny Storm asking him to pretend to be his boyfriend might make any kind of sense.

But no, there was the building he'd been thrown into yesterday, still with the windows all taped up. His back throbbed in sympathy.

"Is that all?" he finally said.

"So you'll do it?" Johnny asked excitedly, leaning across the table.

"Absolutely not," Peter said.

*************************

"I'm Jewish," Peter pointed out.

For some reason he couldn't fathom, he hadn't kicked Johnny to the curb after lunch, and now they were strolling through Central Park, elbows occasionally bumping, drawing looks from people who recognized Johnny as the world famous superhero and celebrity Human Torch and Peter, if he was lucky, as "that guy who used to date that supermodel."

"Exactly!" Johnny said. "So it's not like you have other plans."

"Oy," Peter said. "That's offensive, you know that? You're offending me right now. I don't know why I bother even talking to you, it just goes in one ear and out the other."

"So you'll do it?" Johnny asked, proving Peter's point entirely.

"I really get the distinct impression you're not listening to me," Peter said. "Look, just – break it down slowly for me, okay? Don't pretend I'm privy to whatever goes on up there on Planet Storm. Why do you want me, specifically me, to pretend to be your boyfriend for your holiday trip?"

Johnny sighed, tipping his head back.

"You know it's been a really rough year for me, dating-wise, right?" he said.

"Rough" was maybe Johnny underselling something for the first time in his life.

First, the Fantastic Four had returned to Earth with some bird woman claiming she was Johnny's soulmate. All right, Peter could roll with that; weirder things had happened before. And if Johnny hadn't seemed that into it – well, Johnny never actually seemed that into his girlfriends when he was with them.