Cute Imagines

Newt: Lost without him

Warning: This will be sad but it will be happy at the end so... Please don't hate me, this is based off of the song Ghost Of You by 5 Seconds of Summer.
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It is the sixth day after Newts death. I had everything I've ever loved ripped away from me and smashed to pieces. And the worst part is I never got to tell him that... That I love him. It was stupid, we were dating so liked me so he probably felt the same and I should have just told him. You'd think with all my near death experiences I would have thought to tell him before it was to late, but no. I didn't, and I regret it every minute of every hour of every day I'm without him.

I groan as I get up from my cot, I have been awake for hours because of the nightmare's about... Well, when he died, not having enough energy to get out of bed until now. I stubble sleepily to my group, sitting on a log by a small, warm fire. "Get any sleep, Y/N?" Frypan asks.

I give him a weak smile, trying to look okay and say, "not much." I probably look it too, messy hair, red eyes and sleep drained walk.

"Had any food yet? It's good!" Minho asks shoving me a bowl of gooey oatmeal into my hands. He knows if he doesn't check up on me about this stuff I'll probably will just forget. Tonight is the big bonfire where we will celebrate the ones who got us here... the ones who didn't make it. It's gonna be a tough night tonight.

- time skip -

Vince gives us a speech about how thankful we all should and are to be here, how the sacrifices that were made will change the future and such. Everybody is drinking Gally's drink and are laughing, singing, dancing and have a grand time. I don't know how they can still be so strong after losing so many people.

They light the fire in the middle and a memory unfolds in my brain, Newt sleeps soundly by my beside me, mumbling every few moments. I wear his jacket he gave me the night before, he starts talking louder yet he's still asleep. "Bloody hell Tommy, don't tell her." He says, shifting closer to me before going silent until he speaks once again, "God Y/N, your so cute." My head jerks to look up at him but he's still asleep, but a light blush forms on his cheeks. He giggles and slowly goes quiet once more, lips slightly parted, with a cute case of bed head.

The memory fades away and I'm left with tears gathering in my eyes, and his favorite jacket on that I decided to wear tonight to honor him, his scent fading quickly. It small moments like those that always give my heart a painful stab. Sonya comes over to me with a huge smile, carrying one of Gally's drinks, one to many if you ask me by the way she looks at me. "Hey Y/N, wanna dance, please!"

I sigh knowing it will help get my mind off of, things, I nod and get up, she guides me to a place to dance with a happy shriek. As we dance together, I notice I don't dance as freely and happily as I used to with Newt.

I remember dancing with Newt at the bonfire we did for the new greenie that came up once every month. He held my waist and I had my hands wrapped behind his neck, he giggles smiling as if I was his favorite thing in the world. My smile matching his in size as I close my eyes, rest my forehead on his and bump noses with him. He pulls me closer, not even caring for dancing at the moment, he pulls his head away to lightly kiss my forehead making butterflies fill my stomach and he whispered, "You are one of my only reasons I can stand this bloody maze, love. Thank you."

His words makes my breathe catch in my throat as I feel the depression claw away at my heart as I try to breathe and stay strong. I can't do this right now, not again. Not Infront of all these people. Not in front of my friends. I excuse myself from Sonya deciding it is probably better for me to leave now before the memory replays.

But as I push through the crowd it appears once again, like it has the past few days.

Newt stands in the road with Thomas as he fights for his humanity. His veins getting darker and darker. "Y/N I love you. I'm sorry that this is the way I tell you, goodbye love." Newt gasps, our eyes both filling with tears. But before I have the chance to say a thing Newt yells, "Get her out of here! Tommy please!"

Thomas yells for Vince to get me into that shucking white van. Seconds later as he grabs me and leads me to the van I get one last glance at Newt, his eyes go black. Veins pumping with poison, blood spilling from his mouth. Soon a demented version of my Newt, the love of my life, stands where he stood mere seconds ago. Vince dragged me into the van as I heard shouting.

I scream and yell at Vince and Brenda and whoever will listen, but finally collapse in the corner in the very back of the van. I heard grumbling and gasping. Shrieks and screams from the boy I love as tears blue my vision. I let out sobs, rocking myself back and forth to create some form of comfort, away to get ride of my adrenaline. I sit waiting for something, anything that tells me what's happening.

I hear a bang and I let out a small scream trying to contain emotions that were spilling out of me. Thomas pushed open the door and jumped in. He would not make eye contact with me or speak. He just handed me a note and stared off I to the distance. As broken, if not more, by what just happened as me.

As I come back to reality I hear voices from behind me from Frypan, Thomas, Minho, Sonya, Brenda and Aria but I ignore them and walk faster so I can be alone. When I get back to my tent I open the letter for the first time I can hardly get through the first sentence without breaking down.

I miss him. I miss his voice, his eyes, his laugh, his smile. I miss the way he always knew how to comfort me and always knew when I was not okay even when I tried to hide it.

I lay cuddled In blankets trying to feel the feeling of comfort as I feel broken and lonely, full of grief and anxiety. Sobs wrack through body, shaking. I cry until I have no tears left and my head aches, so I drift off into a dreamless sleep. At what I guess is around the middle of the night, I hear commotion outside but I ignore it and go back to sleep.

- time skip -

The next morning as I sit at the beach Frypan finds me, "Hey Y/N!" He sounds more happy than usual, almost... Hopeful.

"Hey Fry, you okay? You seem happy, more than usual."

He replies quickly, "yeah, are you alright after... last night?"

I hide my face in hands and say, "To be truthful, no. Without Newt here, everything feels like I e big mess."

He just nods sadly, "Uh, well why don't you come get some food?"

"I guess I should do that."

We talk quietly as we walk back to camp, I hear a familiar laugh. One that belongs to Newt, I decide that I'm imagining it. But as we get closer it gets louder. When I look from Fry, I see some people crowded around someone. Then I hear it, I hear "it was really hard to found all you shanks. How has Y/N been, where is she any how?"

A smile, a real smile, stretches across my face, and my eyes get teary as I Sprint over to the 'new arrival' seeing my favorite blonde haired boy. I catch Thomas say, "she's not doing so well, she- Oh here she is!"

Brenda and Aris part to let me get to Newt. I launch myself onto him, making him fall over as I feel a warm tears drip down my face. Everyone leaves to give us some much needed time together. I hug him as tightly as I can as he wraps his warm arms around me. He slowly sits up and pulls back, moving a peice of my hair from my face, as I stare into his eyes.

They are brown like a cup of hot cocoa on a cold day, the feeling of home surrounding me the longer I stare into his eyes. Newts eyes. The boy who's supposed to be dead, the boy I'm very very glad is not actually dead. The eyes I thought I'd never see again. I whimper, tucking my head into his neck I say, "I love you more than anything. I never got to- to tell you, but-"

Newt holds kisses my shoulder lightly and says, "Bloody hell love, it's okay, I know. I didn't give you the chance, I'm sorry."

I shove his chest, "How dare you do that to me! I thought you were dead. How- how are you even here?!"

"I- well, okay, for some reason wicked needed me back alive for some tests or something. But since there weren't many people at wicked still left alive, I escaped. But I am so, so sorry, I just, I couldn't have you see Thomas shoot me or, if he hadn't, watch me turn into a full gone crank."

"You better be!" Newt runs my back soothingly as I let out a shaky laugh. It will be okay. Newts back, he came back and he's okay, he's alive. And he knows that I love him.