Be Mine Forever

Chapter Eleven

Briana: 

Saturday, May 18th

Oh fuck, the fuck is going on here? So it's the middle of the day and Alec calls me out of nowhere saying that I need to get to his apartment ASAP. He says something about him having a couple of surprises for me and then hangs up before I can ask him what the fuck is going on. Maybe he finally got rid of those love handles of his. I know for a fact that he's been trying to get rid of them for at least a month, so... But that's not really something that he would call me about, is it? So if it's not that, then why is he calling during the middle of my Saturday snack time?

"Well whatever it is, it better be something important," I mumble as I cross the street to his building. What makes this little trip even better is the fact that it took thirty goddamn minutes to get here. Alec lives all the way up in Greenwich Village while I'm down on 60th Street and there was traffic! Just wonder-fucking-ful. "Oh, this little moron is going to pay." Like yeah, I get that we haven't talked since the fight between him and Remi, so he's probably excited to see me but why did he have to call now?! It's ten o'clock, it's still rush hour right now, it's literally one of the most inconvenient times to call someone over!

"But whatever, since getting over here is obviously more important than that," I grumble to myself as I enter his building and walk over to the stairwell. But maybe this is actually something important; maybe he finally decided to talk to me instead of just avoiding me. After the fight, he got the ring from me as fast as he could and then scurried off somewhere, not talking to me, Andrea, or Lucky for days. We didn't know whether he and Remi broke up, if they were on some kind of break, zit.

And now he just calls me up in the middle of the day without telling me shit about why. "God, this could end up being a shitstorm," I mumble to myself as I start climbing up the last two dozen steps to Alec's apartment. What if he called me to tell me he's breaking up with Remi? Or friend breaking up with me? What if this whole thing is just to tell me that he doesn't care about me, Andrea, Lucky, and Remi anymore and isn't going to talk to any of us again? It would explain him not talking to us, and probably Remi, for days. But why would he sound excited over the phone about that?

"Well, maybe he sounded excited because not being around you is just a dream come true." But still, he can't be thinking of not talking to me anymore, can he? There's no way a little fight he had with Remi would cause that. But what if they broke up and he's just decided to cut the other strings too? Will this seriously be the end of our friendship? "Oh fuck," I curse under my breath as I stumble on the last step to Alec's floor.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. What should I do? Talking to him now, after going through all the ways this could go fucking wrong, makes this seem even less pleasant than before. But I already came all the way here, didn't I? Am I really just going to run back now? It would be the easier choice. Just ignore Alec, the fact that we need to do some serious talking about our friendship and all the shit that's wrong with it. Yeah, I could just leave and ignore that and go back to our comfortable little routine.

"But if I do that then the problem is just going to get worse." All the emotional exhaustion, at least on my part, and codependency that's been festering in our friendship is just going to keep growing, and/or our friendship is just going to slowly die out. "And that can't happen; Alec's one of my best friends, my only friends, would me being uncomfortable be enough reason to lose that?" I ask myself as I take a few small steps towards his door. No, it wouldn't. Yeah, our friendship has a lot of kinks it needs fixing but in the end, Alec has been there for me when I needed him and has supported me almost as much as I supported him. I know that doesn't make up for his emotional dependency on me and the lack of boundaries in our relationship but it's something that would break my heart to give up. And it's something that can be fixed with enough work and effort.