𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

thirty two | using

"Dr. Phoenix, what can you tell me about reconstructive neuro floor?"

The corners of my vision darken ever so slightly, and I feel the muscles in my legs grow weak with every passing second.

"Dr. Phoenix?"

"Huh?"

Mark Sloan stands in front of the group of interns, along with the chief. "What can you tell me about reconstructive neuro floor?"

"Harvest bone from the skull, and you can create a new base for the eye socket." I blurt out mechanically, so to speak.

"Dr. Bailey. . .Dr. Phoenix will be scrubbing in on the Jane Doe case." The plastics surgeon announces to her. "Come on. I'll show you how to do it without breaking the bone graft into a million pieces."

"Congratulations, Dr. Phoenix."

Chief Webber wishes me with a sickening sympathetic smile, most likely pitying me after the month I've had.

I stand by Jane Doe's bed while Alex remains on her other side. She flips through the three pictures of computer-animated faces, deciding which to choose for her permanent look.

"Have you chosen a face?"

"Not yet." She shakes her head softly. "I was hoping I'd see one of them and. . .I don't know, recognize myself or something, but. . .I don't recognize any of these women."

Her gaze almost instinctively shifts to Alex.

"What if I choose the wrong one? What if my husband or boyfriend or-or whoever's baby this is shows up tomorrow with a picture of what I'm supposed to look like, but it's too late? I'll be stuck with the wrong face for the rest of my life."

Alex lifts up the bedside mirror. "That would suck, but if you don't pick one. . .this is gonna be your face the rest of your life."

I isolate myself in the room behind the nurses' station, reading through article after article about the surgery.

But someone else's presence disrupts my thought process.

"Derek, I know you're watching me."

"And hello to you, too."

The head of neurosurgery steps into the room, a tired smile on his face as he lets his hands rest on my shoulders.

"Don't you think you should be preparing for your board interview instead of stalking your girlfriend?" I mumble into the back of my hand.

"I am." His nose tickles the arch of my ear as he breathes deeply. "How are you feeling today? Any sort of pain?"

"I'm absolutely fine." I assure him for what feels like the fifth time this morning.

He extends his arms to either side of me. "Calvarium bone harvest?"

"Yeah, Sloan's letting me do one on his Jane Doe." My neck and head lean into his touch. "I'm sure I'm gonna feel a lot better afterwards."

"Sloan's gonna let you do a harvest? By yourself?"

"All by myself. Which is why I need to go back to studying."

"Alright, alright, I'll stop distracting you."

Derek leaves with a few pecks to the sides of my head and neck, his fingers brushing through some strands of my hair.

After reading through the procedure numerous times, I move to an empty lab room to practice on dummies.

"Hey, what do you think of a robotics lab as a goal for the hospital?"