𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

eighty three | fatal

"What do you mean? I-I thought I did everything right."

"You did. And you have."

Dr. Barrinski, whom I expected to not have to see until the end of the pregnancy, glances through his notes from the blood tests.

"It's not the H.C.M. that I'm worried about, which is preferred. Neither mother nor child have any issues in terms of their hearts."

Derek, whose hand has been clasped around mine since walking into the practice, squeezes it every so often.

"You're borderline stage three for C.O.P.D., otherwise known as severe C.O.P.D.."

"I-I-I was only in stage one before."

"Given the trauma you've experienced in such a short amount of time, your body is reacting and adapting as well as it can."

I lean back against the cushioned chair.

"And the baby?"

"For now, the baby is fine. But the birth. . .it can become fatal for both of you."

Tears well in my eyes, and with a shaky breath, I nod my head. Derek looks towards me, brows scrunched in question.

"I suggest —"

"I'm going through with the pregnancy."

I push myself out of the chair, followed closely and quickly by Derek.

"Henry, I know my body, alright? Symptom-wise, I see no change to now versus when I was first diagnosed. And I refuse to terminate this pregnancy when I'm so far along."

His hand cups the small of my back.

"I want this baby. I wanna hold them and care for them and love them."

"I'm not saying you have to terminate the pregnancy, but —"

"But that's essentially what you're saying, isn't it? Me or the baby. I can't make a decision like that, not as a mother. Not when there's no real danger yet."

"Leven —"

"You're a father. You know the feeling." My lips purse tightly. "How are Lacey and Logan?"

"They're well." The doctor swallows thickly.

"See you in a week."

Once we've reached the car, I step into the passenger seat with a little more difficulty than usual before shutting the door.

"I hate him. I hate him. I hate him."

"It's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that. Even if the C.O.P.D. or H.C.M. doesn't do anything, he could be choking on his cord or growing an extra limb. Or both."

"We're not gonna worry about it. Not unless we have to."

". . .he better come out with my judgment skills."

I run a hand over his head.

"And your head of hair."

"She could come out with my lack of judgment and your volume-less hair."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!"

The growth of his amused expression shines over my shock, and Derek pulls out of the parking lot with a fresh grin.

As soon as we reach the hospital, Bailey pages me into her O.R. with a patient who was thought to have gallstones but in fact. . .has cancer.

"Damn it. It's in the liver." My exasperated breath puffs the mask.