Love Will Kill

For You

I wake up at 5 in the morning. sweaty, sticky, and terrified. The same nightmare. I don't know why I have it but it's the same nightmare over and over again. Its me at the top of a hill looking down at people, everyone walking around headless. They walk in zig zags, bumping into each other, left and right.
I stand at the edge of the cliff with a tall figure behind me. I turn and the figure doesn't push me off like you may think. They strangle me. They make me look them in the eyes as I slowly lose the fight against life, until blackness and that's when I wake up, dripping in sweat, head pounding. I sit up in my bed and I cry for the rest of the night, I start thinking about my dreams, angry I start thinking about everything that is going wrong in my life. Ben. He is the cause of most of my problems. He's been here for a few months now and not a day goes by were I don't think about him. I just want him gone. I looked at the time and I must have been deep in thought because the time is now 8:37 am, almost time for my morning shots. Still furious I get up and walk out of my room, walk up the hall and to Ben's room, I knock on his door and wait, "Im Busy!!"He yells from the other side, "Oh please, you don't do anything that is even worth saying your busy." I snap back. I wait for his smart comeback with my arms crossed but nothing, I uncross them and stand there, "Ben?" I say softly, nothing, "Ben!" I yell. I hear a soft humming, from like a machine. I give up and go back to my room, he isn't even worth it. All I was going to do was yell at him anyways.

A few months roll by. Ben has tried multiple times every week to apologize in various ways. he eventually gave up a couple weeks back, I never see him anymore, not that I care, finally he's gone. At least I can have some peace for a little while. I was hanging out with Lin in the lobby, him sitting sideways on the chair, back leaning on one arm chair and legs over the other arm. I was sitting criss cross in the other chair. Ben comes around the corner from the elevator and goes up to one of the nurses, they start talking but I can't make out anything they say since i'm on the other side of the lounge. The nurse followed him to the elevator and then they were out of sight. I was curious, I don't know why I was curious, I hated this guy.

"Lin, ima be right back" I say while getting up, he nods his head and goes back to his music. I go up the elevator, the doors open and I see Ben and the nurse talking , she then walks away and Ben goes into his room. A few minutes later a nurse goes in and I follow behind, the nurse comes out and we almost collide, "oop" she says while swerving around me. I go in and shut the door behind me "whatever plan your planning to apologies is not going to work-" I say while turning around and I suddenly stop. Ben is sitting on his bed, vest on and shaking, looking sadder than ever, his big grey-blue eyes glossed over staring at me. I didn't know what to say, I was shocked and confused. "what are you doing?" I manage to spit out. He just looks at me, then looks down and the vest, then back up at me. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He tries again and is able to form a sentence. "My treatments?" he says while making a 'duh' face.

His face is so sad, so lifeless, why is it so lifeless. My eyes are fixed on him and his down at his hands.

"Why?" I say in a more harsh tone, as if i'm disappointed in his actions. He has sad eyes before saying, "You wanted me to, you said it bothers you."
he Trailed off looking out of the Window down at the parked cars.
Before I can say anything else Barb came barging through the door.
"What are you doing Noah!?" She screams like her life depends on it, as if seeing us a couple feet away from each other will kill her.
i'm back at my room, Barb has been giving me a talk that lasted for what seemed like hours but were only a couple of minutes, and i'm now alone in my room, I lay down in my bed and started to drift off.

"you wanted me to, you said it bothers you. "

Those words play over and over in my head, why?  I don't know. maybe it's the facts that he listened to me, maybe it's the fact that he cares about my feelings, maybe it the fact that he's actually trying, not that he wasn't trying before. He's trying. trying to do what?

"You said it bothers you." I say to myself before driving into unconsciousness.