Love Will Kill

I Changed My Mind

I sat in my room for what felt like hours, not knowing what to do. I've been spending so much time with Ben and now he's gone, wait he's gone. He's finally gone, out of my hair, away from me. I sat back realizing that I was finally free. I couldn't even remember what I used to do in my free time. I heard a knock at my door. I hopped out of my bed and onto the floor since my feet don't touch the ground, they've never been able to touch the ground on these hospital beds. I opened my door and was greeted by Lin.

"NOAH!!!" he yelled. I pulled him into my room so the other patients didn't have to hear his obnoxiousness. "Dude you were like, missing??" I nod.

"Did you escape? Are you like a fugitive now?? Dude, did you finally see beyond the streets? Are you hiding from someone?? Dude! Dude!" I nod at everything he says, not really listening. I'll be honest, I forgot about him. I forgot about everyone. I forgot about everything. Why did I forget everything? Why couldn't I remember anything? Later that day we were all watching a movie. It was movie night. All the patients get together in this little lobby that is kind of hidden away from any of the main entrances, just in case an emergency happens, we are already out of the way. After the movie I headed back to my room and plopped down, I was exhausted. Everything was sore and I had a headache, don't think sleeping on a chair last night did me any justice. The next morning was the same as usual. Got up, did my treatments, and took my medicine. I sat on my bed after the nurse left when she did my checkup. I didn't know what to do with myself. I sat on my bed for hours. A knock came to my door and it slowly crept open. It was Amy. "Noah you still alive?" she said in a joking tone. She closed the door behind her and stopped, "can I come over?" she said in her gentle voice. I nodded and she sat down beside me.

"You haven't come down at all today, Lin says you weren't really yourself yesterday either.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I don't know what's wrong, well nothing's wrong, I just feel weird. Not weird but just.." I wasn't sure what to say. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not anything, something just doesn't seem right.

"Is it ben?" she said

My eyes grew confused at her words.

"You've wanted him gone for so long and now he's finally gone but he's been here for a while"

I looked at her still with confusion, "what do you mean gone?"

She chuckled, "you haven't heard the exciting news, he was moved to another hospital"

That would explain all those nurses I've never seen.

"Finally, am I right?" she chuckled while nudging me.

My face stayed the same and I could tell she was puzzled.

"You don't seem to be happy, you're the one that wanted this, well we all did, but most of all you did."

She was right, I wanted him gone, so why was I not happy that he finally was?

"Well yeah but.." I wasn't sure why I wasn't happy about it. He's the only person I've been hanging out with the past few days, that seems to be the only thing I remember. I still don't understand why I couldn't remember anything. I can't remember anything or anyone when I'm with him. It's like he's the only person on earth....he's the only person I can focus on...it's like we are the only people on earth, no other worries, no medicine, no treatments. Just me and him.

"ooo Do you have a thing for him?" she said with googly eyes in a joking manner, I could tell she was joking but it was kind of annoying.  I was taking out my thoughts.

"What?" I responded

"You were thinking aloud...again." she said with furrowed eyebrows.

I really need to stop doing that.