Love Will Kill

Transfer

it's been weeks since I told Lin the thing that Ben has told me. He didn't take too kindly. Which I don't blame him, I didn't like any of it when I first met Ben. Anyone in their right minds would think that he's just looking for trouble. But thinking about it. Even now I think more and more about it, he wasn't looking for trouble.

It's been week since I've taken my medicine. I feel terrible and I barely get out of bed. But I've come to the conclusion that even taking the medicine I still felt terrible. I think I feel equally as terrible as I did when I took the medicine. Of course the only difference is that my levels are low. That doesn't really matter to me. I don't do anything that requires my levels to be high or even stable. Nurses come in and out, trying to get me to start taking my medicine again. They think that Ben had something to do with it, one of the nurses think that he's threatening me. In a way their not wrong. He did have something to do with it. My parents came to visit me. They usually visit at the end of the month but they heard what had been going on.

They sit still the edge of my bed, my father not daring to look at me. My mother, teary eyed. The treatments are expensive I know that much. But my family never had a problem with money so I didn't really see the problem.

"We do this for you, ya know? "

Here we go again. My dad and his famous  "we do this for you" speech. It never gets old. He uses it on my other siblings But finally he's using it on me.

"You don't understand."
Ah yes the famous speech, used by all teens going through life. I personally hate the phrase but there truly isn't any other words to use in this situation.

I told them everything, I told them about Ben and I told them about the nights, I told them about the promise and I told them about him leaving. I even told them that I wanted him back.

My dad left a couple hours later but my mom stayed behind.
"Mom you don't understand, really. He knows what he's doing. "
She cut me off
"I know exactly what he's doing. He's trying to get out of his treatments and he dragging you along with him. Honey you don't have to follow along with him, he isn't here anymore, he can't hurt you and force you to do anything anymore"

I was tired of people saying that. Saying that he can't force me to do things anymore. Saying I was scared of him.

"Shh it's okay sweetheart, I'm here and he will never touch you again. You won't even see his face ever again. "

She said while wrapping her arms around me. I sighed and threw her hands off of me.

I got up out of my bed and faced her, "get out" were the only words that could come out of my mouth. her smile was gone and you could literally see the happiness seep out of her by the second. I said it once more. She ran out crying, I was yelling. I yelled at my mother. I disappointing my father and I yelled at my mother....
I was losing my mind. being here, in the hospital, in this room, in this bed. I want to be out there, feeling the cold snow on my warm skin. Feeling the frosted wind bring tears to my eyes, good tears. For once it was good tears, happy tears, free tears. My parents look at me different, Lin looks at me different, the nurses and the doctors look at my different. I look at me different.
I had to escape. I had to go where Ben was. Why? I don't know. Do I hate him for making me this way, making everyone look at me differently? or do I like him for showing me that there's more than just medicine and routine? Would it be bad to feel both? would it be bad to think both?

I hate him but I like him. he's annoying but he makes sense.

I wasn't sure where he was but I knew he wasn't far, There's only two hospitals, though it is on the other side of town. It wasn't far, but far enough to be difficult to get there. A lot of the patients get transported there. I heard it was terrible but never believed a hospital could be terrible. Seeing Ben with those bruises I believe it now.

I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I don't remember falling asleep. I don't even remember being tired. I heard a knock at my door. It was Kelly, one of the nurses. She's one of my favorite nurses so I never had a problem with her.

"Hey, Noah. "  She's said in a soft voice.
I was still starting out my window and didn't dare look at her.
She walked towards my bed side and just stood there. I still just stared out my window. I was deep in thought thinking about how I was gonna get to Ben, I didn't notice how close she was until I turned my head towards her.
I jumped back a little at the distance we had and she did the same.

"Sorry" she said half chuckling.

I smiled to reassure her that there were no hard feelings. she was just asking and checking up on how I was doing, she left a little later after she had finished her questions. she tried to convince me to take my medicine again, that's all the doctors and nurses do. they all try to get me into taking them again. But none of them are ever successful. I don't care for the medication. and I feel as long as Ben is gone, I don't think I'll ever care for them.

Kelly came back into my room a few minutes later and ask me to sign some papers.

"what is this for Kell's?" I responded after she handed me the papers. 

"just....documentations.."

I waited for her to continue.

"...for what we should do..with you.."

my brows furrowed. she sighed before continuing.

"Noah..you've refused to take your medication. It's against the documents you signed when you were first transferred here."

she paused before continuing.

"we have no choice but to transfer you."

she paused once more, thinking of how to say it in a way that I would understand.

"you can no longer stay at this hospital and will be taken to a different facility."