Lost ; Daryl Dixon

Chapter 28

You sank down onto the top step of the porch, breathing heavily as you tried to calm your racing heart, your fingertips exerting so much pressure on the wooden boards beneath you that your knuckles ached. You were on the receiving end of curious glances as your neighbors passed by, returning home as the working day ended, and you knew your shouts must have been overheard by the community, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. A weight felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders, a sense of closure washing over you, and you realised that you were feeling more confident, more powerful than you had in a long time. Since the Saviors had stampeded into your life, all you'd done was duck and cover, hiding, cowering, lashing out in the only ways you could to ensure your survival: first as their enemy, then as their prisoner, and then alone on the road and later when you found yourself the target on the Congregation. Standing up to your captor, the man who had brought you and your family so much misery, had given you a new lease of life that you badly needed, a chance to face your demons and give yourself a fresh start. It was time to draw a line under all of the suffering, you decided. It was time to pick yourself up now, dust yourself and start living again. If you could do it, then maybe Daryl would be able to find a way forward too.

You needed him to settle down, to go back to being the man you loved and could depend on. You still loved him, fiercely, but you almost didn't recognise him anymore, and it had started way before the Saviors. It was as though he'd been built for the apocalypse, and finding Alexandria, a place where normality still largely reigned, had left him off-kilter, unsure of himself, and he'd rallied against it in any way that he could. And then, when the real world did start to sneak inside the fences, he was like a creature gone wild, losing himself completely in his desire to bring down the threats, fighting and killing until there was nothing left. But every time he looked at you with that old gentleness in his eyes, you sensed that he was still in there somewhere, knew he still cared for you as he always had, and you were determined to latch on to that and bring him back.

Heavy footsteps approached, and you looked up to see the archer standing before you, returned from his hunting trip successful going by the blood that coated his hands. His body was tense, his eyes flashing with anger as he glared down at you. You felt the confidence you'd so recently gained started to ebb away as he stood over you.

'What the hell do ya think yer doin'?' he growled, his voice low and menacing. He'd never spoken to you that way before, and you physically recoiled, edging back and away from him, though he began to climb the steps, drawing nearer. 'Ya tryin' t' make me look like a fool for bringin' ya back here?'

'Daryl, I-'

'Nah, I don' wanna hear it, Y/N. D'ya know I had t' talk Rick into lettin' ya stay? Ya really think e'ryone wanted to jus' welcome ya back with open arms after e'rythin'? Course they didn'! I vouched for ya, I told 'em it was different now, 'n' then ya have t' go 'n'...' He tailed off, realising how loud his voice had gotten, aware of the stares he was attracting from behind the closed curtains which twitched up and down the street. 'Jus' tell me why, Y/N. I jus' need t' know.'

Your mind was reeling at the venom in his tone, the pain and rage in his stare, and you found that when you opened your mouth to speak, no words would come. You couldn't wrap your head around the cause of this. Why did nobody want you there? What had you done that was so wrong? Even Rick... All you could do was shake your head in confusion as Daryl continued.

'Ya know all yer've done is make things ten times worse, right? E'ryone's gon' be talkin' now. I'm out there all damn day tryin' t' bring somethin' back t' feed 'em, try 'n' make things right, soften 'em up, 'n' the second my back's turned, ya go 'n' do somethin' stupid! Were ya jus' waitin' for me t' leave? Is that it? Did ya think I'd bring ya back here 'n' go again? Is that what ya wanted? Is that the only reason ya wanted t' come back?'