Lost ; Daryl Dixon

Chapter 5

This was war.

At least, that's what Rick insisted on calling it. To Daryl it felt a lot like sitting around wasting time, when Y/N was suffering at Negan's hands. He knew deep down that they needed to bring in the Kingdom and the Hilltop, the filthy trash people too if they could, pool their resources, bolster their numbers, but every hour that ticked by felt like a blade inching deeper into his chest. He was forced to constantly remind himself that rushing in alone would likely lead to his own death, leaving his girl just as trapped and alone as she was now. But holding back wasn't in his nature, and it went against everything his brain was screaming at him to do.

He made the rounds with Rick, helped to fight their case with the other leaders, though he felt that his role had just become a show of the strength and muscle that they had on their side. His desperation had made him wild, almost feral, and the edge it gave him appealed to the people they needed to stand with them. But at night, he sat up alone, unable to sleep, to even close his eyes for a second. It wasn't images of his childhood that tortured him now, but images of Y/N, naked and alone in the darkness, crying, hurting. He felt so helpless. And so, he focused on his memories, remembering the first reunion they'd shared, whilst he hoped and prayed that they'd get another.

*****

Despite the shiver of fear it sent through his body, Daryl loved to watch Y/N fight. She was a whirlwind, weaving around corpses, dodging their outstretched arms, as she sliced and stabbed, her hair flying as she span and ducked. When he held her in his arms, she felt so small and fragile, but when she was fighting for her life, for the lives of the people she loved, she was a warrior. She was backed up against the fence now, the monsters crowding in around her. He raised his bow as a walker got a hold of her, its jaws getting a little too close for comfort as she wrestled with those closing in on her other side, letting an arrow fly and nodding in satisfaction as the biter dropped. He saw her stare wildly round, knew she was searching for him, but there wasn't time, and she was soon drawn back into the battle.

Merle nudged him, cocking his head to one side with a wicked gleam in his eye. 'You just gonna stand there, little brother, or are ya gonna join in the fun?'

He didn't wait for an answer before he launched himself into the fray, raising his pistol high in the air, and bringing it down hard, bone crunching under the impact as he tore through the undead. Daryl saw Y/N notice the older Dixon's presence, though he couldn't see her reaction. The wall of bodies around her was too deep. He raised his crossbow again, picking off the ones around the outside as his family ripped through the others, and soon the herd had thinned, only a few stragglers remaining.

She looked tired, he thought, as she leant forward, resting her hands on her knees as she panted, her skin glistening with sweat and blood. She looked beautiful too though, and an unfamiliar and unwelcome pang of a feeling he barely remembered shot through him. He shook it off, approaching slowly, putting off the moment when she would see him, afraid of what her face might show. She'd been pushing him away since they'd reached the prison, something he hadn't and still couldn't understand, but he knew his decision to leave with Merle would only have made things worse. He'd abandoned her, something he'd sworn he would never do, and he vowed again and again in his head that he would make it up to her.

He reached down to pull his arrow from the skull of a walker, wiping the gore on his trousers before sliding it into the quiver on his back.

'Daryl.' Her voice was barely a whisper as her eyes finally met his, her face brightening and righting his world on its axis for the first time in months. She wasn't running to him, leaping into his arms, but she'd missed him, and she was glad he was back. It wasn't much, he figured, but it was a start. Unsure what to say, he just nodded, chewing on his lip as he waited for her to move, to do something.