Lost ; Daryl Dixon

Chapter 34

You woke to the feeling of fingertips trailing along your arm, before a gentle hand brushed the hair out of your face and the couch beneath you dipped as a heavy weight perched on the edge of the seat. It was such a familiar sensation that you couldn't fight the small smile that instinctively crept over your face, letting your eyes crack open so that you could peer up Daryl and see the exhaustion that dragged on his features.

'Morning,' you whispered as he returned your smile. 'You okay?'

He nodded. 'Gotta be. You?'

'I think so.'

You reached up to run your fingers through his straggly fringe, easing through the knots and pushing it out of his eyes. 'You sleep at all, D?'

'Not really,' he admitted, and your heart ached as he cast his eyes downwards. 'Had a lot t' think about.'

Silence fell between you, and you felt the tension begin to build, wishing you knew the right words to get it to dissipate and leave you to be happy, but Daryl was clearing his throat, taking a deep breath before launching into an apology that brought tears to your eyes.

'Look, I'm sorry, Y/N. 'Bout e'rything. 'Bout leavin' ya there in the Sanctuary while we were fightin', 'bout believin' ya was shacking up with Negan, 'bout not talkin' to ya 'bout none of it, 'n' for pushin' ya away. I know it was stupid, 'n' I know ya prob'ly think it means I don't trust ya, but that ain't true, I swear to ya. I jus'... I never really understood why yer with me. I don't understand what I did to deserve a girl like you, 'n' I wake up e'ryday wonderin' when I'm gonna lose ya, when yer gonna realise ya can do better. So, when I heard 'bout you 'n' Negan, I jus' thought... I thought I'd let ya down cos I hadn't managed to get ya outta there, 'n' I thought that maybe ya'd realised that I can't keep ya safe no more. I thought maybe, if he was good to ya, ya'd thought that maybe he could give ya a better life, not just fightin' 'n' survivin' all the time, y'know.'

'So, you thought I'd rather be with a murderer than with you?'

'He ain't the only one that's a murderer, girl.'

'Maybe not. But he's not you. I love you.'

'I love ya too. 'N' I know ya said ya needed time, 'n' I'm gonna give it to ya, cos I don't want this t' be the end of us, but I jus' need to know that one day yer gonna be able to forgive me for this. I need to know that, cos I can't... Shit, I can't lose ya, Y/N.'

'You haven't lost me, Daryl. I'm still with you, I promise, and I want us to find a way past all of this more than anything. I just... I don't know how to do that yet.' As you spoke you'd let your hands drop to the back of his neck, lacing into his hair and keeping his gaze locked on yours, so it felt completely natural when he bent down to meet your lips, your mouths fusing together as you felt him pour every ounce of guilt and pain he was feeling into the kiss. It awoke something in you that you hadn't felt in a long time, and you used your arms on his shoulders to lever yourself into his lap, losing yourself in him as his scruff scratched over your skin, his fingers grazing over your thighs as he lifted you with him, pushing himself up from the couch and striding towards the stairs, filled with a new confidence now that you were wrapping yourself around him and letting him take control.

The ascent was slow as he fought between his need for you and his need to get you somewhere comfortable, and when he finally lowered you onto the bed, you whimpered at the loss of contact, needing to feel his warmth pressed against you, reaching for him and dragging him down on top of you until every inch of you was moulded to him, your bodies shifting and surging as you remembered each other, exploring and reacquainting, revelling in the hushed gasps and hungry groans. Every sensation brought a rush of nostalgia and yet was completely new, the current versions of yourselves finding their way back to the past and learning how to love each other all over again. You squeezed your eyes shut and let the world slip away, focusing solely on the strong, calloused hands that roamed over you, the chapped lips that moved greedily against your own, and the taut body that covered yours, the scent of diesel and cigarettes rich and intoxicating.