I Want You

Chapter 3

Lennon.

College is stressful but college without orgasms, even self induced, is even more stressful. I haven't been able to get myself to orgasm since New Years Eve with Xan and that was a month ago, a whole month without an orgasm. I think I'm starting to lose my mind. Tayen keeps asking why I'm so frazzled but I don't know how to tell her without saying the words out loud and I cannot say them out loud, I refuse. I feel like once they're out in the universe I can't take them back and I'll be damned if I admit Xan broke my vagina.

I've been to Aces house with Tayen a few times after that night. Jax still doesn't remember my name and Xan acts like I don't exist which is surprising because I fully expected him to taunt me but he didn't. Him ignoring me was more annoying than him taunting me, it was weird.

"Girl if you don't sit down I'm going to shove you into the chair and tie you to it until you tell me what the hell is going on." Tayen demands.

I immediately stop pacing. I hadn't even realized I was doing it in the first place, too lost in my head. She's laid across her bed on her stomach. Dream catchers made by her grandmother hang above her bed looking like beautiful webbed art with brown and white feathers dangling from the hoops. There's a white, turquoise, brown and orange wool blanket folded neatly at the foot of her bed and books are strewn across her white comforter.

She closes the two books she had open and shuts her laptop, looking me in the eye. "What's going on? You've been acting weird since New Years Eve, did something happen?"

I can't believe I'm about to admit this especially out loud.

"Xan broke my vagina on New Years Eve and now I can't orgasm." The words fly from my lips like they've been dying to escape and I feel a little relieved that I can vent to someone about my predicament.

Her dark eyes widen and then she throws her head back and laughs. "What are you talking about? He broke your vagina?"

I glower at her. "This is serious, Tayen! I cannot and have not orgasmed since that night, since he touched me!"

I don't think she understands exactly how that feels because she has Ace. It's extremely frustrating though.

Her lips quirk. "Do you like Xan?"

I shake my head. "No, it was just a fun thing to do after we kissed at midnight and it was nice, he made me feel good but what the actual fuck!"

"Have you tried a vibrator?"

I nod. "Of course, I tried for almost an hour the other night. Nothing."

Normally I could get myself off pretty quickly if I wanted to. I knew my body, I'd been masturbating since I hit puberty so it shouldn't take so long and it hadn't until Xan.

Her mouth forms an O. "An hour and nothing... ouch." She mutters and then taps her fingers against her lips for a moment. "Why don't you just go back for another? He got you off once, surely he could do it again."

I level her with an 'are you serious' stare. "You're joking, right?"

"No..." she trails.

"Tayen! I have a crush on Jax, I don't even like Xan. Why would I go to Xan?"

"Because you want to orgasm." She replies in a duh tone. I glare at her and she holds her hands up in defense. "Okay, not funny. I can't believe you still have a crush on Jax, he can't even remember your name."

"Don't remind me." I mutter in embarrassment.

It's not exactly a boost to my ego.

"Wouldn't messing with Xan possibly take your mind off your crush with his best friend? I mean he can get you off so you don't have to worry about that and Jax has a girlfriend so it's not like you could ask him out and see if he would be up to the task. What would screwing around with Xan hurt?"