I Want You

Chapter 12

Lennon.

I spend the next four days avoiding Xan, not that it's really that hard since before I was the one that always sought him out anyway. The amount of times I've ran into Jax is way too high for someone who walked in on me having sex, but he remembers my name every single time we talk now so that's an improvement I guess. It oddly doesn't bring me the satisfaction I thought it would but I think that may be due to my disappointment in Xan. I hadn't realized how much of my day was consumed by Xan until it wasn't, he had taken over my thoughts without me even noticing.

I miss his random texts, the selfies he would send me and the smile he always brought to my face. It's weird going from seeing and talking to someone every day to not seeing or talking to them at all. I want to talk to him, I know we weren't in a relationship so I want to let him know where my head is but I can't. If my heart hurts this much after only a few weeks with him I can't imagine how crushed I'd be if things went south between us after a few months. We weren't even exclusive and I've spent most of the last four days sobbing in my bed with Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter playing on repeat.

Tayen hid my headphones last night and I decided today would be the day I got over Xan. After cheer practice I made sure to dress up for class more than I normally would and I styled my hair into two bubble braids instead of pulling it back in my usual ponytail. Even though I felt cute it didn't actually make me feel any better and just like the previous days since I left Xan's bed I searched the crowded campus for a glimpse of him any time I could.

I push the door to the library open and inhale a lungful of air, the scent of wall to wall books filling my nose. I'm actually not a huge fan of reading for fun but I've always enjoyed studying in the library, it always has a soothing vibe that helps me focus. I pass the librarians desk and head toward the tables in the back where it's usually less crowded. As soon as I turn the corner I spot Jax's dark head of hair. He's sitting alone at one of the tables by the windows. Instead of avoiding him I walk over to say hi because I know he would do the same when he notices me anyway.

"Hey, Lennon." He greets me with a smile, his eyes shining behind his black rimmed glasses.

"Hey." I reply and take a seat in the empty chair across from him. "I'm so ready for spring break."

I could really use a hug from my Mama right about now.

"Me too." He agrees. "Do you have any plans?"

I shake my head. "Just going home."

But I don't mind, even though I've lived on the farm my whole life I always love coming home. It never gets old.

"Same." He chuckles and I laugh lightly.

I unzip my backpack and remove my laptop, placing it on the table in front of me. Jax glances down at his hand as he traces a paragraph in his book with his finger tip.

He clears his throat and I watch as his cheeks tinge pink and his gaze meets mine. "So Lennon, are you busy tonight?"

I log into my computer. "No, just gonna go home and watch tv for a while after I leave here."

Normally I'd walk the dogs with Xan tonight but now that wouldn't be happening anymore. I'll miss Brutus but I could always visit him when Xan isn't working. What I'm not gonna do is go home and cry again. I don't even know how I have anymore tears left at this point.

"Would you want to go to to dinner with me?"

I pause and just stare at him, frozen for a solid minute. "Like... like a date?"

Surely not.

He smiles and then gives me a nod. 

I bite my lip contemplating his question. This... this is what I'd been waiting for since freshman year but he always had a girlfriend and he never even remembered my name. Freshman Lennon would be screaming at me to go but, I don't know, it feels wrong now.