I Broke The Girl I Loved

I Don't Know

(Aydrian's POV)                             •TW•

When I got inside I waited a second before looking out the window to see Jayce driving off. No one was in the living room or the kitchen and I thought if I snuck to my room fast enough I could avoid the wrath of my adopted parents. I made my way up the stairs and I was about halfway there when my adopted father, John, caught me.

"Aydrian, where were you last night?" He asked.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't say anything. He must have come back inside from the side door or used the bathroom under the stairs when I was walking in so I didn't see him. My back was turned to him since our stairs were in the back of the house in between the living room, on the right, and the kitchen, on the left.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" I heard him say.

"No," I said as I turned around.

He sighed and rubbed the front of his head. "Your mother was worried sick."

"She's not my mother."

"Come on Aydrian, you know that's not fair," John said.

"I'm sorry. I was at a friend's house for the night because I went to a party and she took me home because Jake was there," I lied.

"Did he touch you?" He asked.

"No." Another lie.

"Alright, please at least text us next time," he said.

I nodded and faintly said 'goodnight' before going up to my room. My room was the only bed room on the right side at the top of the stairs, next to it was a bathroom that I shared with my two foster siblings. They were twins, one girl and one boy. Lilah and Derrick are their names. Lilah's room was next to the bathroom on the left side and next to her bed room was Derrick's room and at the end of the hallway across from my room was my foster parents room. My room was a decent size. There was a window across from the door with a desk underneath it. On the left side of my room was a small closet and next to that was my dresser. On the other side of the room I had my queen sized bed and two bed-side tables that had books piled on top and around them.

I have lived with the same family my whole life. They adopted me when they assumed they couldn't have kids and I was just a baby at the time which is what they wanted. I was their only child for three years before they found out that Molly, my foster mother, was somehow pregnant. She had the twins nine months later. My brother and sister are 14 years old, prime age for rebellion. Since I, according to my foster parents, 'haven't been a good role model' they blame the twins' mess ups on me. They try to make me feel like part of the family and at one point I did but it's hard to feel accepted when the person who gave you life also gave you up because they didn't want you. I was scarred, literally and physically, by the thought of not being wanted. There were three visible scars on my right wrist and one on my left wrist but in total I have harmed myself over 50 times. I like the sting of pain and the way the blood looks dripping down my wrist as it falls on the bathroom floor. There is something about it that reminds me that even though I may not be wanted at least I am living. Although recently life hasn't seemed like something I'm too interested in anymore.

It was early, only 5:30pm but I didn't feel like being awake. Reality was sickening and dreams were my escape. I left on the clothes I was wearing and got into bed. Slowly I closed my eyes and for a while they would randomly flutter open before finally staying closed.

I don't remember when I feel asleep but I woke up at 2:50am. There was nothing that startled me awake, no alarm or random noise, my body just decided to wake up on its own. I needed to rest because I had school in the morning but I just couldn't get myself to fall back asleep.

Yesterday when I saw Jayce skipping class I thought that maybe if I skipped with him he'd think I'm cool rather than the weak me, the broken me that he had seen the night of the party.

When we first met I was sweet to him in the student parking lot. I had never seen Jayce before that day even though he said he moved here during the summer. Jayce was tall, probably around six foot. He had these dark blue eyes that looked like the depths of the ocean. His hair was dark brown and in some lights it looked black. Jayce was mysterious. I wanted to know him but I didn't want him to know me. I know I'm not what he wants; nobody wants me. Sometimes I think my foster parents had wished they never adopted at all and just waited a few more years until Molly did manage to get pregnant. My best friend and only close friend, Catherine, is the only person that knows me but even then she only knows so much.

Jake was the only other person who came close to really knowing me. That was until he started ignoring me. He would go off at me for not showing up to something on time and then he'd ignore me for three to five days after that. Then he'd show up at my door step and apologize and every time I would cut myself and cry about the way he was treating me but as soon as he showed up at my doorstep I'd forgive him and it would happen all over again. That was how it went until I found out about the cheating. The first time he kissed another girl he came and told me. I said it was alright and forgave him because he made up a sob story about him being too drunk to even know what was going on. The next time I didn't forgive him or the time after that. It started to become a routine thing and I was done being his side chick.

I broke up with him during the last month of summer. He didn't like that very much and texted me that if I didn't come back to him he'd leak the video of our first time, which I didn't even know he had. I told Catherine and she found out a way to steal his phone at a party and get rid of any trace of the video. He never found out who deleted the video because he had a bird brain and never suspected Catherine even though I was with her every second of every day. From then on he stopped threatening me because he had nothing to threaten me with and instead he apologized. He texted me every day about how sorry he was and he showed up at my house three times and on the fourth time John said he'd call the cops so Jake never came back.

The party was the first time I'd talked to him since the break up. That is when Jayce, the guy I had met once before, beat him up. Everyone rushed out of the house to see what had happened and I managed to weave my way through the crowd fast enough to see where Jayce had gone. I followed him the rest of the way home because I had taken the city bus to get to the party and I had no money to use in order to catch the bus back home. Catherine lived closer to where I did and she would have usually been my ride home but she canceled at the last minute so I had no way to get home. I needed somewhere to stay for the night so I followed Jayce. I waited around twenty minutes or so after he'd walked in the door for me to follow after him.

I knocked on his door and he opened it wearing nothing but black sweatpants. I avoided looking at him entirely because I knew I'd stare at his abs. I walked into his house and he let me. The rest of the night was sort of blurred together but I know he let me stay. In the morning I texted Catherine where I was and asked her to bring me a change of her clothes. I folded his and wrote a thank you note then left it on his bed. Catherine picked me up and I changed and that was that.

The sun started to peek through my window and I checked my clock to see that it was 6:45am. I got out of bed and threw on a pair of grey joggers and an oversized white shirt. I headed downstairs and wrote Molly and John an apology note and left it on the counter. I then grabbed my bag and waited outside until Catherine drove up.

"Where were you for fifth, sixth, and seventh yesterday?" That was the first thing Catherine asked when I got in her car.

"I skipped," I replied, looking down at my lap.

"With who?" She questioned.

"Jayce."

"Why?"

She knew the reason but she asked me anyway. "Because I wanted to seem cool."

"You are cool, just the way you are. You don't need to skip to be cool. If Jayce can't see that, he's not the one." She said before adding, "Besides you just met him and you just got out of a relationship, are you even ready for something new?"

"I don't know."

"Well you better find out before you jump into something you're not ready for." The rest of the car ride we rode in silence.