I Broke The Girl I Loved

I'm Not Going to Leave

(Aydrian's POV)

Witnessing Jayce grieve like this washed a wave of sadness over my heart and drowned me in its waters. The pain he feels and the tears he's shedding remind me of every night after the death of my biological parents that I let sobs wrack my body, only wishing I had a chance to say 'hello' to them at least once in my life.

Jayce clung onto me, lightly fisting the back of my dress in his hands as tears poured out of his eyes. The cries of heartbreak that left his lips caused mine to begin to tremble.

"Jayce," I croaked, slightly pulling away from the hug.

He weakly hummed in response before releasing me and looking at the ground.

"Look at me," I said as I reached for his hands and held them in mine.

His hands were cold, reflecting the cold of the air whipping my skin as the raindrops beat down on us. We were both completely soaked, water droplets clingy to our bodies and absorbing in our skin. Jayce was breathing slowly, trying to steady the flow of tears that left his eyes. I tugged at his hands a bit reminding him what I'd asked him to do. He shifted his gaze upward to look at me, the blues of his eyes glossed over and drained of life even though they were full of color. A single tear slipped from his eye, falling perfectly down his face in the same trail that all his other tears had fallen. I took my thumb and lightly brushed it off and he leaned into my hand allowing my palm to cup his jaw.

"I'm right here. I'm not going to leave, okay? You'll have me," I reassured him.

Jayce nodded and closed his eyes, his lashes now resting on his cheeks.

"You ready to go?" I asked.

Again he nodded this time adding, "Yes, I am".

We returned to the car, turning the heater on once we were inside in order to warm ourselves up. I glanced once more at Jayce, who was looking out the window, before pulling away from the graveyard and beginning the short drive home. It was still dumping buckets outside when I pulled into the driveway. I put the car in park and told Evie to meet us on the porch. Once she was out of the car I turned my body to face Jayce's.

"You don't have to do this Jayce. We can tell John that you feel unwell and I'll take you home, he'll understand," I told him, seeing how clearly broken he was feeling.

He cleared his throat and put his hand on the door handle, "No. I told him I'd come and I have to keep my word."

"Okay, but as soon as anything makes you uncomfortable or anything of the sort then tell me and I'll drive you home," I promised him.

"Okay."

With that he climbed out of the car and waited on the steps beside Evie as I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the one for the front door. Once I did, we stepped inside and the scent of pumpkin bread greeted our noses. Molly was in the kitchen cooking while John washed dishes, the soft sound of Frank Sinatra playing in the background.

"Smells delightful," I chirped, gaining the attention of both my parents.

John smiled over at Jayce and said, "I'm so glad you could make it."

"The pleasure is mine," Jayce said as he returned the smile.

It was so easy for him to change the mood displayed on his face. One moment he was crying in my arms and the next he's smiling brightly. The way he shifted his mood so effortlessly made me wonder how often he hides behind this facade, holding all his pain behind a single smile, making sure that how he truly feels goes unnoticed.

"Aydrian, will you let Derrick and Lilah know that dinner will be ready shortly?" Molly asked.

"Of course. Evie you want to meet my siblings?" I asked.

She instantly jumped at the proposal and followed closely behind me as we made our way upstairs. I felt bad for leaving Jayce down there alone but it would only be for a second. I pushed open Lilah's bedroom door to find the two of them sitting on the floor leaning their backs against Lilah's bed frame as their fingers furiously smashed the buttons on the controllers they were holding. Derrick was screaming profanities at the television every time he missed a shot, which was quite frequently. I cleared my throat but they both continued playing, oblivious to my attempt at gaining their attention. This time I cleared my throat louder but with their yelling and the violent sounds coming from the game I knew they couldn't hear me.

"Lilah! Derrick!" I yelled over the noise.

Both their heads moved on a swivel as they finally directed their attention towards Evie and I.

"Mom and dad said dinner will be ready shortly so come downstairs," I said before remembering to add, "this is Evie, Jayce's sister."

The waved at Evie in unison before turning their heads back to the screen.

"We'll be down in five," Derrick said, intensely focusing on the task at hand; whatever that was.

I rolled my eyes and shut the door. Evie looked down at her feet probably embarrassed by what just took place.

"Hey Evie, don't worry they'll warm up to you. They're just a bit addicted to that dumb game."

"It's alright."

Without letting me speak again she joined my family downstairs and stood by Jayce who was creating small talk about academics with my dad as my mom grabbed our plates for dinner and started dishing them up.

***
Dinner went smoothly. The conversation was light, no deep or pressing questions for Jayce to answer, only talk of sports and school. The entire night I kept a close eye on Jayce. I noticed him fidgeting every so often by bouncing his fork between his fingers or playing with his napkin in his hands. He caught me staring a couple of times and tried to reassure me with his eyes that everything was fine. I'd nod back but deep down I knew he was lying, covering up his feelings to appear less vulnerable, less weak.

Vulnerability and weakness isn't something he should feel he has to hide but maybe he feels that anyways. Society is always creating standards for the way people should behave and feel and act. For him, for a man, he isn't allowed to be vulnerable or show that he is weak even if that is all he feels. I want him to feel different around me, have him trust me enough to show me these sides of him, to let me comfort him when he needs. He's been vulnerable in front of me before, he's let me see past the walls that he had built so highly around himself, and even though it was only for a second I could see how truly broken he was.

***

Evie was a chatter box on the drive back to Jayce's house; telling us about how after dinner Lilah and Derrick taught her how to play that stupid video game. It was nice listening to how excited she was but it was clear that Jayce didn't care.

"I'm glad you're getting along with them. You should come over again," I said to Evie.

She let out an excited squeal and said, "I'd love to!" Before Jayce handed her the house keys and she exited my car.

"Thank you for everything," Jayce spoke out for the first time since we got back in the car.

"Anytime," I said, feeling stupid with my choice of words but not knowing how else to respond.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he replied.

"See you tomorrow."