The Faster, The Better : The Collision - Dabi x Fem!OC - Book 2

(Part 17) Behind You

(A/N) - This chapter bounces around from different insecurities, FYI. Not a warning because nothing bad, but just a fair warning. Also, I sometimes forget I'm actually an active writer in wattpad, so I will try to update once/twice a week.

"You wanna drive or shall I?"

Shouta's smooth voice rolls over his words as he speaks. I kind of register the question but not totally.

I glanced down to his neck, his larynx bobbing sexily. His scruff began to pepper its spots and leads to his cleanly shaven face. His red eyes glow in the sun.

God, I miss Touya. Shouta's eyes are just as defining as his. I love him, but I don't think I can choose. I have developed a sort of love for Shouta and his beautiful face and controversial personality. I'm scared to lose him, but I'm scared to lose Touya more.

Maybe it's the woman's hormones. Yes, dick-thing to say as a female myself, but maybe I'm just off the charts. Or, it could be the sex. The crazy, claustrophobic, car sex that I shared with Shouta could be making me feel queazy. When I was with Touya, he'd never stoop lower than elevator sex. We always drove fast and sexy sports cars, and still do, but they're usually small. So room for sex was less than enough.

I mean, I think we had car sex once, but I don't remember. After the depression episode and the whole Victoria scenario, I wanted to forget. Not him, but the time where I had him. Because I couldn't and still can't touch him, It just felt like a dream.

Like I was the one that crashed and hit my head and had hovered around the hospital with a sippy cup and straw. The one that had to have jello daily.

It felt like I died more than he did. 

Realizing that he isn't dead is, yes, a relief, but more of darkness. When I saw his living quarters, I wanted to burst into tears. I didn't say anything, but I truly did. He was treated like some animal about to head to a boxing ring. No.

He was treated less than that. Less than human and animal. Like he didn't or shouldn't exist. They made him feel unwanted and useless. Which, by the way, isn't fair. Because he is the complete opposite. I want him. I need him. I need his touch, his body, and heat on mine, his kiss, his love, his laugh, his eyes, his hands, his--everything.

Sam knows I need it. Danny knows I need it. Jin knows I need it. When I trusted Keith, he probably knew too. Even Shouta.

But, in comparison, I kind of need Shouta too. He makes me feel a little less boxed up, and It's fun to see him smile. He makes me feel better than anything. Touya can do the same thing with one look, but so can Shouta.

I can't deny it.

I need Touya and Shouta. I can't love two people at once. This isn't Twilight, and if it were, Bella still had to choose in the end. Edward and Jacob made her. 

They're both like oxygen and water. I need both to survive.

Without one, I die instantly. Without the other, I die slowly. Like It comes in my dreams and then jumps out of the closet. It's scary, but the first one is dreadful. I want neither of the bad options, ultimately meaning I can't lose either.

It's difficult to have sex with someone and share moments where they defend you and you save their ass, vice versa, and then leave them in the dust. Tell them you can't love them. It doesn't work out when you try to have a friendship after that. Of course, It's possible, but It isn't easy.

And yes, it is also possible to have them both, but at what cost? Because It's also possible to choose and to choose to live without one. Like I said, It's hard but not impossible.