Superstar

Chapter 80

My body starts my to fill up with so much anxiety and it's so hard to contain. My heart dropped, I drop down to my knees and tom catches me before I hit the ground.

"Cmon let's get you back home, safe and sound."

We get back to his house and the whole time I was silent, I start to bite my nails and lip. I even managed to make them bleed due to all the picking and biting.

Tom puts his hand on my thigh to reassure me and immediately i jump in response.

"Sorry." He says sincerely.

"It's fine."

I just ignore him for the rest of the ride then when we get to his house and go to his room and start to panic a bit. By pacing back and fourth, he pulls me into his arms and places a few gentle kisses on my head.

"Hey, hey, hey, listen. Nothing is gonna happen to you as long as I'm with you."

"I was at least able to somewhat protect myself but now I have someone else to think about."

I put my hands on my belly and look down.

"Nothing is gonna happen to both of you, not if I have something to do about it. When I asked you to marry me, part of the job is take care of you until we die. Even though we're not married yet I still and will protect you."

"But what if-"

"I'm serious, for the mean while we stay here, I talked to Emma and your brother. They will be on high alert. I hired bodyguards incase."

"This is all my fault."

"No it's not, it's not your fault she's a complete psychopath."

"How long are we supposed to stay here?"

"I don't know but until everything calms down, we'll see what I can do."

"I'm sorry for being so paranoid."

"It's alright darling, it's okay to be scared, how about I run you a hot bath so you can calm down a bit. Don't think I didn't see your lips bleeding or you biting your nails."

"Alright fine, can we just cuddle in bed after? I'm exhausted."

"Of course, anything you want."

I get in tub with the hot water running down my skin, soothing it. It felt amazing, I don't know what to think anymore, does she know I'm pregnant? Oh god moon, you gotta calm yourself down, your overthinking it like always.

After I get out I dry my hair and get changed. I really do need to get maternity clothes, I get i out the bathroom and I see Tom laying down watching tv.

"You feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Come here darling."

I lay in his arms while is stroking my belly, he kisses my head once in a while and he whispers something in my ear.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

I give him a kiss on the lips then I fall asleep in his arms, I wake up in the middle of the night due to having nightmares. I wanna take my anti anxiety medication but I can't, I will not risk my baby to have some kind of birth defect.

I take my song book and start to finish a few things with a song that I wrote, this is more personal than any of the songs that I have created.

(Btw I wrote this song myself, I just wanted to share it.😅 and No I don't self harm but it's just what comes to my head when having social anxiety. I hope you guys like it)

Sitting in silence by Jocelyn

(Intro)
Demons are messing around with my head
Singing a lullaby to wish I was dead
Hoping that someone could save me
Losing the fight with my insanity

(Verse 1)
"Take a deep breath."
"Your not good enough"
These thoughts surrounding
My head aren't loud enough.
"Everything is fine"
My thoughts are killing me
It's only matter of time.
Before you find me

(Pre chorus)
So much pain for
Someone so young
Welcome to my life
Craving assistance from the
Worst ones, I can't see the light

(Chorus)
Please someone wake me up
From this living nightmare
Is that so hard to do?
"But I'm here for you"
I'm sitting in silence
"You're just a nobody"
These hands hold
Nothing but scars underneath.

(Verse 2)
Worthless repeats in my
head
Cutting my skin
Like a piece of bread
"I wanna disappear"
Is that too hard to hear?
Overthinking is almost here
And every time I lie
The wounds get deeper
I'm crying inside
But there's no tears left to cry

(Pre chorus)
So much pain for
Someone so young
Welcome to my life
Craving assistance from the
Worst ones, I can't see the light

(Chorus)
Please someone wake me up
From this living nightmare
Is that so hard to do?
"But I'm here for you"
I'm sitting in silence
"You're just a nobody"
These hands hold
Nothing but scars underneath.

(Bridge)
Im sitting in darkness
"Just know your not alone"
trapped in my own head.
misheard what you said
"Bury me alive, I'm so traumatized"
Is anyone out there?

(Chorus)
Please someone wake me up
From this living nightmare
Is that so hard to do?
"But I'm here for you"
I'm sitting in silence
"You're just a nobody"
These hands hold
Nothing but scars underneath.

I finished writing a few of my lyrics then I soon fall asleep again, there's just so much on my mind that is getting in the way of my sleeping.

The next day....

I wake up to Tom playing his video games, him getting frustrated is pretty funny. I'm glad that he's enjoying his time relaxing, he's the hardest worker ever.

"Looks who's up bright and early, did you get a good sleep?"

"Sorta, I woke up in the middle the night, I couldn't sleep but then I did a bit of work then I knocked out."

"You are pushing limits, you are working way too hard."

"Tom you haven't even seen what I look like when I actually push my limits, it's crazy. You should see how many energy drinks I drink on a busy day. Caffeine is a fucking god."

"That it is but just take it easy, please."

"I will, now go back to being a child while I listen to music and draw my little heart out."

"Way ahead of you."

I laugh at his response, it's like I'm dating a man who's a child stuck in an adults body, he's not Tom without he's goofiness.

I emailed kalani a few things that i have to do with my music and for the rest of the day I relax. I received some annoying calls from my irritated and infuriating brother talking about how amara and Damon won't leave him alone.

He doesn't see me complaining when they follow me, I told him to suck it up and deal with it like a mature person would. Oh who am I kidding I'm so immature, probably even worse than him.