So be it

Pack

Unfamiliar stars dotted the sky above me. I tried to ignore them. I did not need the reminder. I tried to keep my ears open, my eyes scanning the darkness all around. I had to do it. Not for others but for myself.

Dinner was some sort of trail mix in bars. Sweet and heavy. Still it was food and that was enough for me. Not for some of the others but I ignored them as I could. The top of the little hillock became a makeshift camp.

One of the others found flintstones in her pack. The CEO, even the tall one, argued for a fire. As the dusk fell it was not cold but it was chilly. A fire would be good.

I wanted to shake my head at them all but I refrained. No matter what they wanted the trees were far away and there was no time for chopping one down with the sun falling rapidly. They decided on a cold camp after yet another shouting match.

I decided to be odd, odder than usual. I spent the last of the light reading from one of the slim volumes in my pack. It had information about plants. I was no botanist but I could try to learn. That much I could do.

The others bedded down quickly or as quickly as they could. I heard enough bitching and moaning for half a lifetime. No soap, no toothbrushes, no bath. I moved away from them, sitting on the edge of the hilltop.

I stayed there, my blanket around my shoulders, scanning the darkness. The sound of steps made me turn. It was the tall one.

Her voice was low, as if she were trying not to disturb someone's rest. Yet I could hear that none of the others had yet achieved that much.

"What are you doing?"

I looked away from her, once more checking the darkness. I could see little, it seemed as if this world had no moon, or maybe it was merely a moonless night.

"Teach?"

I sighed. "What's up?"

She knelt beside me on one knee. "Come on. Let's get some sleep."

I looked at her then, even if I could see little in the darkness. I took a small breath. I so not wanted to do this. Why was no-one else thinking?

"Someone needs to keep watch," I said finally.

Her hand was heavy on my shoulder. "I know."

I looked down then. Of course someone had thought about it. But I had moved away long before dinner had finished. The press of people and too much shouting driving me away. Of course, I had not heard anything. My fault, my weakness.

The tall one spoke again. "Come on. Get some sleep. Linda will stand first watch."

She must have realised my question because she gestured towards the back. I turned a bit and saw the policewoman standing a few meters away. I nodded then and stood abruptly.

Before the tall one could turn, I grasped her hand, feeling her stiffen at my touch. I let her go as if burnt.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"It's alright," she whispered back, grasping my shoulder once again.

I swallowed. "What's your name?" I asked looking away from her in the darkness.

"Gloria," she answered immediately and I could hear the smile in her voice.

I nodded even though I knew she could not see it in the darkness. We did not speak further as we moved toward the prone bodies in the camp. I looked for an empty space and finally decided on one far away from everyone.

I never had the chance to move that way. Gloria's hand on my shoulder stopped my movement. Even in the darkness I saw her gesture towards the one side of the camp. I shook my head wordlessly in denial. Yet her hand did not move from my shoulder.

A squeeze from the hand on my shoulder made me move again where Gloria led. I did not want to sleep alone in this new world, this different place. Yet I had neither the courage nor the humility to ask. So I moved along fortified in my inability to ask but thankfully enough ability to accept a gift when given.

I looked away again when I realised that they had left a space for me between Jinx and one of the redheads I thought. I stopped once more shaking my head. Another squeeze of my shoulder prompted me to speak. Practicality this time rather than cowardly pride.

"I move... in my sleep," I whispered towards Gloria.

"It's alright," she whispered back.

I wanted to shake my head again but I had neither fortitude nor strength for an argument just then. They would find out what I meant before the night was done, I was certain.

It took me but a few moments to huddle in my blanket, the rucksack under my head, my hand next to the knife's hilt. I lay there stiff and chilly trying to somehow will my mind to sleep.

I could hear whispers from around me but thankfully no-one addressed me. I screwed my eyes tightly shut and tried to relax. It didn't work as I knew it wouldn't but I could feel my body clamouring for sleep. It had been a long day. Too long.

I stiffened even more when I felt the restriction of an arm snaking around me. The smoky voice that could so easily make me shiver, whispered in my ear. "Calm down and get some sleep, Teach."

I breathed out, trying to determine how restricted I felt. It came as a surprise that in spite of everything, it actually felt good to be held, even by a stranger. I nodded in the darkness. Humans needed packs too. Even my querulous self could not deny that. Who would have thought? Me, independent stubborn me, part of a pack. Truthfully it didn't sound that bad especially with warmth front and back and an arm around my shoulders. Part of a pack. So be it.

A small bitter smile stretched my lips, even as sleep stole over me.

Chapter end 

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