Alex pov (two days later)
when you fall asleep you're always expected to be some sort of happy. the kind where you're always so glad to be able to relax. when you wake up, you're supposed to feel refreshed. but what if you don't. you simply just went to sleep, woke up, and went on with the day. it's all a part of a routine, right? I used to sleep to get rid of it all, to numb and forget the pain. to feel like, for a short time, im dead. im gone. it's all over. then I'd wake up, and it would all rush back. realizing you're alive, you're awake. you regret the existence you contain. my routine wasn't ever "normal". my routine wasn't ever refreshing, nor relieving. it was all a waiting game. when will they kill me?
when you're alone you think these things. if Damon hadn't came along that day, waited for that crowd to clear, I wouldn't be here telling you a sappy love story that saved another pathetic life. he had turned nothing into something. that someone who could do that, is now my everything.
I'm a 16 year old emotional roller coaster that he was willing to give a try.
when we went to sleep I had a dream
I was young. 4 or 5 years old. I was in a park, a beautiful park, with another boy about 8 years old. he seemed so familiar, but I couldn't make out who he was. we had been there for hours, running, laughing, smiling. I was happy. he was happy to make me happy. things were sunny and, well, just nice. he had taken me up into a tree, which frightened me. I was never fond of heights but he managed to keep me safe. a didn't feel safe, but I knew im the back of my mind, he wouldn't let anything happen to me.
"it's so high up...i dont-"
"hey it's okay bud." the boy smiled and put his arm around my shoulders. "Feel how the wind is blowing?"
"Yeah...it's soft"
"close your eyes for me"
for some reason, I did.
"What do you feel?"
"It...feels like I'm flying"
The boy had smiled. So was I at this point.
"trees are magical things champ."
that's when I woke up.
who was he?
who was he. It's about a day and a half later from the incident and the dream and this bothers me. who the hell was that kid that made me so happy at such a young age. who knows, it was just a dream.
that's what upset me. it was just a dream. this person probably didn't even exist.
your minds just trying to make you happy.
I don't blame it.
Damon came home with some ice cream today. we were running out of food, as said, and he finally went out to restock. I didn't feel like dealing with people so he left me at home to do some school work.
wait...
ice cream. he feels bad.
he feels bad.
it wasn't his fault
"you don't have to be upset about this, it isn't your fault." I looked at him hoping he took that to heart.
"I just want to make you feel better."
he was lying but there was no point fighting him.
"can I smoke?"
"yeah go ahead."
he took a cigarette out, lit it, put it between his lips and sighed out the smoke.
"I should've done something earlier to get rid of him.. he's just now coming back I don't fuckin know why."
"maybe he wants you back." Damon looked at me.
"I don't want anything to do with that bastard."
I swallowed hard and nodded
"I know"
he put all the food away as he smoked away on that cigarette, when he finished he looked at me.
"you want anything to eat baby?"
"no i'm okay. if you're hungry go ahead." i smiled.
he shrugged
"I just want cereal"
he pulled out some milk and fruity pebbles. he was always the type to eat breakfast foods later in the day rather than when he wakes up. it wasn't a bad thing, I thought it was cute.
"how much wok did you get done today?" he poured the milk in a bowl with the cereal, put his cigarette out and grabbed a spoon.
"a little less than half.."
"due dates this Friday yknow"
"I have time" I looked at him.
stop pushing it
"I got you into school online for a reason babe."
"I know I just ...fucking.."
"hey hey" he walked over to me and kissed my cheek "cool down babe im just tryin to help yknow?"
"yeah, I know.. im sorry"
"nah I am." he wakes back over to his cereal and took a bite.
I find him cute in some weird ways, I do admit that.
he finished his cereal and put it all away.
"do you wanna do more work or go out?"
"out? where..?"
he shrugged, "your choice baby."
I thought for a moment and looked at the time.
1:28 pm
"let's go to the park."
