CLOSER (SAM FENDER)

THREE

Sam

I was on a proper buzz, knee deep in pints and shots and I knew I'd feel rotten tomorrow. But it didn't matter because we were getting a second album, and everyone was thrilled. The sky was the limit.

Dean kept buying more rounds and every time I thought I'd reached my peak, someone else handed me a shot of whiskey and congratulated me. It felt wrong not to take the shot. I had countless conversations with people, some I didn't even know that well, on my plans for the second album and the kind of content I was creating for it. The evening was highlighted in excitement from everyone in the bar, and I was going to enjoy it.

But every time I looked at Violet, every time I caught her gaze or passed her walking to the bathroom, I sobered up. After all these years I thought by now, she knew I had a crush on her when we met. I brought it up because she brought up some daft dream she had where the two of us were a couple. It seemed an appropriate time to bring up the bones of our history and I assumed we'd have a good laugh on it, but instead, I'd shocked her into some state of awkwardness. I can't believe she didn't know. Everyone knew, and I mean everyone. At seventeen, it was easy to tell when your mate had eyes for someone. It was Dean who pointed it out first. He told me if I stared at her any longer, she was going to think there was something wrong with me. I didn't realize how much time I spent around Violet, or how much time I spent talking about her until the majority of my bandmates encouraged me to ask her out. But I never had the chance and apparently, she never picked up on any of it.

And it was likely because of Jake.

Jake was one of my oldest friends. Our parents knew each other from primary school and I'd grown up a few houses away from him. Jake was calmer than me and more level headed, and Jake always got the girls. So,
it was no surprise to me when he showed an interest in Violet, and she showed one right back. He asked me back then if I'd be okay with him making a move. I played dumb, acted excited for him, and asked him why he thought I'd mind. He told me he could tell I had eyes for her, and he didn't want anything to come between us. I played the whole thing off and pretended to be interested in another girl for the time being. I didn't think their relationship would turn into a long-lived practical marriage at this point, none of us did. We figured it would fizzle out and hopefully Violet would stick around as a friend. Eventually those thoughts I had for her vaporized and I traded the thoughts with song lyrics and harmonies that later took up most of the quiet spaces in my mind. And after that, I delved into a string of my own relationships and sewed up any feelings that lingered. Or so I thought.

After Violet's confession about her dream, and me bringing up the feelings I had for her years ago, the tension in the air encircled us and no matter how deep I drank, I couldn't get to the bottom of things. I found myself trading glances with her all evening, and I didn't know why I cared. Maybe it was something in her rambling that drew me in, and I thought back to our smoke break and her alcohol induced confessions.

And then I started thinking, what if?

Her words rippled through me and I shuddered. I decided I needed air and excused myself from the bar, ducking out the front entrance instead of heading downstairs and out the back. The streets were bare and most of the town had settled down, leaving the late night vampires and pub rats to the dawn. I leaned against the bar, pressing my back into the cool wall and took a few deep breaths.

"Ya'lright mate?"

Jake's voice startled me and I fumbled with a fag I didn't need to smoke anyway. "Shit! Why you gotta be jumpin' me like that, mate?"

Jake smirked and hit his fag sideways. "Wasn't trying to scare you."

I shrugged off the scare and raked my fingers through my hair. "It's fine. I'm fine." I paused as my breathing regained its normal rhythm and nodded toward Jake. "What about you? Are you alright? I haven't seen you much tonight."