CLOSER (SAM FENDER)

TWENTY-SIX

Sam

I don't know why I expected anything different. I made a choice, and the choice had repercussions. Several.

The first choice I made, was kissing Violet where someone could catch us. And someone had. Several people in fact. Dean, Drew, Liam, our tour manager and likely a few others I didn't know about. During a short break between two songs, Drew waved me over to his drum kit and breathed heavily into my ear as he spoke.

"Was that the first time you two kissed?"

My face contorted into grief as I took in his tone and his overall dissatisfaction for what I'd done. He was half smiling, trying to make it look like we were having a normal conversation to anyone who may be paying attention. Even if he was upset with me, he was still looking out for me, and I couldn't understand why.

I adjusted my earpiece and feigned a half smile. "If I told you no, I'd be lying to you."

Drew fiddled with his drumsticks and spun one in his finger slowly. "And how long have you been lying to Jake? To all of us? How long has this been going on?"

"A little while, mate."

Drew looked at Jake, whose back was turned to us and shot a glance to Dean. "I'm not the only one who noticed."

"I figured."

He pounded on his drums quickly, snapping a cymbal off as the crowd roared and he teased the next song. He smiled before leaning back toward me. "Clean it up, Fender."

"Working on it, mate."

"No...looks like you've got a big mess on your hands, especially if Jake finds out." He began pounding his bass drum as the song started and I turned myself back to the crowd and lit into the first lines of Will We Talk. That seemed entirely too appropriate at the moment.

Toward the end of our set, I was caught between the high of the festival, exhaustion, and worry. We'd all agreed on a setlist seven times over, but as the night set in, my mind shifted to a different place. I looked over as my shoulder as the guys adjusted their instruments and caught sight of Violet, smiling like she did at any of our shows, but I knew this one was different.

The second choice I made, was taking matters into my own hands.

"How we feeling, Reading!" I was met with an uproar  from the crowd and as it died back down, I followed it up with a "you still with me out there?" Another applause as I made my way to Dean and yelled into his ear.

"Change it. Go into Hold Out."

Dean eyeballed me nervously. "We didn't even practice that one..."

"Right, so go with it. They'll pick up unless you want to warn them." I nodded to the band.

Dean shot a glance between Drew and myself before looking over my shoulder at Violet. He narrowed his eyes at me. "I hope you know what you're unlocking."

"Just go with it, okay?"

Of course Dean knew the song was about her. He'd likely figured it out before I did. Maybe they all knew besides me. Maybe I was writing about my feelings for Violet longer than I knew, and maybe it was time she realized it, too. Maybe now she would understand how deep those feelings were.

I was aware of Dean in my peripheral trying to make his way to the guys to alert them of the change, awkwardly fumbling across the stage before I went in. But he wasn't quick enough. I made up my mind and with one look at Violet through hooded eyes, I started my confession.

"I wanna slow things down a bit. I didn't intend for it, none of us did, but I think it's appropriate." I shot them all an apologetic glance as they tried to adjust their instruments and keep up. They looked frazzled and disarmed, only one person looked angry, and Jake's anger was nothing I wasn't used to.