CLOSER (SAM FENDER)

SIX

Violet

I was watching a pre-recorded lecture for work when I heard them yelling.

It started with muffled noises coming from the living room, and I assumed Jake was on the phone with someone. But the noises raised an octave and that's when I realized there were two voices instead of just Jake's. It was hard to hear exactly what they were arguing about, possibly the schedule, but it wasn't hard to recognize Sam's monotoned defenses.

Sam.

He'd disappeared after Jake left the house the morning following our kiss. I shuddered at the memory and ran my fingers across my lower lip. I was still sorting through the guilt of what I'd done to Jake, and how Sam made me feel. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and replaying every "what if" scenario in my head.

What if it had been Sam all along instead of Jake?

What if we told each other how we felt in school and ended up together?

What if he'd been my boyfriend instead of my best friend? Where would be now?

I swallowed the thoughts down as their voices grew and the yelling continued outside my bedroom. I paused my lecture and tiptoed to the hallway, listening to their banter for a few moments before deciding to speak my peace.

"You can't just disappear like that with no warning, Sam. Not when you have a second album to write." The sharpness of Jake's tone was easy to pick up on. Jealousy and disdain coated his sentence and dripped from every vowel. His feelings toward recording a second album were negative, that wasn't going to change.

"I actually can. And I was in the studio. I've been working."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah."

Jake cleared his throat before laughing deeply. And then the banter started getting louder. None of it was making sense. Jake was yelling about Sam's inconsistencies with his life, and how easy it was for him to just disappear and not let the band know what was happening. Sam was defending himself, claiming the band knew all along.

"I didn't know. Guess I'm not in the band?"

"You seemed like you didn't want to be a few days back, mate." Sam's words were clipped with something icy that I couldn't understand. Some old boyhood brotherhood they would take to the grave.

I stepped into the living room at that moment, still tiptoeing with an anxious gait. Sam's eyes caught mine the moment I rounded the corner. He looked miserable. His eyes were puffy and coated in heavy shadows, either from lack of sleep or too much to drink, I couldn't tell. I hadn't seen Sam like this since his cousin died a few years back and I shivered at the memory of him crying on my parents couch, barely clinging to his own life when he got the news. My throat constricted at the sight of him and the memory of his lips on mine from a few days prior clambered into view. I hated and welcomed the thought at the same time. Jake's voice cut through the moment and I spiraled back to Earth.

"Vi...this doesn't concern you."

"It does. It's my house, too. And you guys are being ridiculous." I wasn't wrong.

"Vi." Jake's tone was a warning and I noticed Sam sit up a little straighter when he cut through my name sharply.

"The two of you have fought before about petty things, but this is stupid. You've got a second album coming your way and you're acting like this is the worst thing in the world." I looked at Jake as I spoke. It was the truth. He should be grateful that the little band they started for fun could end up being the chosen career path for himself.