TASM Peter Parker Imagines

Two Sides (Part Four)

You don't know how long Peter Parker waits for you when he's finally allowed to leave the medical wing at the Avengers complex. You don't know how long he paces back and forth in the hall outside, wondering why you aren't there with him when he wakes up. You don't get to see the look on his face when the Avengers tell him that you won't be able to be in contact with him anymore, or hear what he said when he found out.

He does leave, eventually, but you do not see him go. You try to find him, but the Avengers keep you away from the windows so you can't even wave goodbye, always forcing you off with that same saddened expression, eyebrows slumped and hands spread as if to say well, what else did you expect us to do? You know perfectly well what you expected- mercy, perhaps, some form of kindness that wouldn't break your heart. How naïve of you.

Regardless of how it happened, how many times either of you begged to see the other, Peter is gone. He doesn't go to your school, and you have no idea where he lives, so you have no way to sneak out and find him. You find that his number is deleted from your phone, and even if you tried to search your call history, you know without looking that it won't be there. S.H.I.E.L.D. has considerable resources at its disposal, and there's nothing you can do to fight it.

It's over, then, everything you had before. It is stunning how much this loss hurts. You look for him in every crowd, but no head ever turns to reveal his face, no matter how hard you search. You're both technically in the same city, yet for all you know you could be at opposite sides of the earth. For once in your life, you have to accept that the one person you want to see most will never be in your life again.

You try to push past it, to force your mind from thinking about Peter, but your thoughts keep turning back to him like a record stuck deep in a scratch, forever cursed to play the same note again and again without pause. You check your phone, forgetting that there won't be any messages from him, you look to the windows yet see no red-masked figure. Even the news reports seem to mock you, tirelessly reporting on the enigma that is Spider-Man. You only wish you could catch up to him as easily as some of the news writers.

The worst part of it is the Avengers' condescension. It feels like not a day goes by in which Steve or Tony or one of the others stops by your room, arms folded across their chest and posturing with a pout, lips turned down and eyes deceptively piercing. They ask how you're doing, if you know that they're only doing this for your own good, and hey, we all have to make sacrifices, right? You're given more and more solo missions, but they never spark your excitement in the way they once had.

At first, you're certain that you'll never truly be alone again. Terrified that at any moment you're going to run and find Peter again, you find yourself under constant surveillance from the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. alike. Your phone is tapped, your missions constantly recorded, and wherever you go, an agent tails you from a few feet away. It's like in the back of their minds they know that what they're doing is wrong, but instead of trying to talk about it, they just crack down on you even harder.

Eventually, though, it all starts to fade away. The days pass, then the weeks, and then it's been a month and nothing has happened at all. Slowly, they reel back their restrictions, and it's almost like how it was before you met Peter. It's strange to think of a time like that. Are you certain that there was a you before him? Could it not all just be one bad dream, one you've been flung into once they forced him to leave? You try and try to wake up, but your eyelids stay firmly closed.

You spend less time at the Avengers complex than ever before. Every glance from the other team members feels judgmental, every sigh or word grates upon your nerves. You can't listen to Steve speak without remembering him say that you'd never see Peter again, or be in the same room with Tony lest you recall how his arms had folded across his chest when he'd refused to let you see Peter even one last time.