Lost Memories: I'll Be Your Savior

Chapter 27: Begining of Pain

He doesn't love you. He loves Lily. You stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl. Why do you think he never showed you his patronus? It's because it is a doe. A doe like Lily's. Severus loves Lily not you. You just get his mind off things. That's all. Pathetic girl, so desperate for love. Severus only loves Lily!!!

My eyes shot open and I was breathing hard. The cold voice was softer but still speaking deep in my minds. I looked over carefully to see Severus still sound asleep. Slowly I got off the bed and sat on the side. Why ...why would I dream of that? It was ridiculous. Severus told me he didn't love Lily like that anymore. He said it was only me and I believed him. Why would that voice say things like that?

"SEVERUS LOVES LILY!" The voice screeched again inside my head.

I gasped and placed my hand over my ears trying to block out the hissing. My body went cold and before I realized what I was doing I got up and went over to my bag. I pulled out something and went to the balcony quietly. I sat on the chair and stared out into the sky. I had been hearing things like that for weeks now and it was starting to worry me. I trusted Severus but I wanted to know who that was. I pulled out the two things I took from my bag. A lighter and a pack of cigarettes. Pulling out a cigarette and light it I began to smoke. I felt my nerves beginning to calm down. I was never a smoker until these voices started. Smoking was the only thing that calmed me down. I would never smoke near Andrew and then I would use a spell to get rid of the smell. I breathed in the drug and breathed out the smoke. The summer air was comforting and so was the tobacco. The voice was gone now but much too familiar. My heart beat returned to normal and the chills disappeared. I threw the finished cigarette over the balcony and made the lighter and cigarette pack disappear and go back in my bag. Next I used a spell to get rid of the smell so Severus wouldn't find out.

"Come back to bed," Severus' voice said from behind me after a while.

I nodded and stood up but I didn't move. Severus came from behind me and held me from the back.

"Bad dream?" Severus asked.

"Terrible,"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head and leaned against him. He bent over and kissed my neck. I let him lead me back to our room and he slept down first. After he did he pulled me on top of him. My legs were on each side of him as he stroked my long hair. I felt my shirt come up to expose my red underwear but I didn't care. I was just so stressed and almost scared. I slowly fell back to sleep as his heartbeat continued to beat like a beautiful lullaby.

I woke up next morning to see Severus wasn't beside me and Andrew wasn't in his crib. I got up slowly and drifted into thought. After last night's nightmare I had a blissful sleep. There was something I wanted to do today though, after breakfast. I slipped on some fuzzy slippers and went downstairs. I smelt this amazing aroma coming from the kitchen. I walked in to see Severus making breakfast and Andrew sitting in his high chair being fed by an enchanted spoon.

"Hi mama!" Andrew said.

"Good morning my dear," I said kissing him in the head.

Andrew was just over a year and was learning very quickly just not walking yet. I would read poetry to him often so he would learn.

"Sit down," Severus told me as he came to the table with two plates.

"No good morning?" I teased walking to him as he put the plates down. I wrapped my arms around him and looked up at him.

Severus chuckled and kissed me.

"Good morning my love." He answered.

I let go and sat on a chair at the table. We all ate breakfast together as a family. When we were finished and the plates floated to the sink and began to wash on their own. The benefits of being a wizard. Severus got up and came back in letters in his hand.