A year of depression

Day 4: No one understands

People don't know what's going on. I'm depressed and lonely. I cutted again. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was in tears. When you cute there are two ways it feels

It could feel like nothing is happing so you dig deeper and go slower to feel it
Or it feels like fire. If you ever put your finger through fire you go fast so it won't burn, well when you cut and it feels like fire you go fast so you don't burn yourself. But all that happens is the fire gets bigger and it gets hottier.

You see people don't know what it's like until it happens to you. When I was younger I would hear people cutting and saying
"I will never do that"
Well I guess you can't predict your future.
Or cutting is addictive like I would cut everyday until I flushed my blades. But then I got blades and cut. What a surprise, me cutting. Ha! I cut all the time.
People don't know the pain. When people ask
"What are those?"
Do you really think I would want to talk about such a thing.
"Sometimes you have to pretend things are okay"
-Caroline