Worthy

Part 59 - Can I Have You Forever

Thor is simply standing in the centre of his room, not really taking anything in, Mjnolir on the floor beside him. You quietly close the door behind you, before standing in front of him. "I'm sorry for your loss," is all you can say, trying desperately not to cry.

"Thank you," he murmurs before starting to take his armour off. You can help but notice the dried blood on his hands, the dust in his hair and the dried tears staining his face. Taking his hand, you guide him to the bathroom.

You turn the shower on, making sure the water is just warm enough before turning back to him. Still he's in a trance, fixating on what's just happened. Without saying a word, you start to take the rest of his clothing off, as you reach his trousers he stops you. "It's not like that." You reach up and cup his face, the gesture making him close his eyes as a single tear rolls down his cheek. "Just let me help you."

"It is I who should be helping you," He sniffles, trying to hold back the tears. "I failed..."

"Stop." You reach up and kiss his lips softly. "You failed no one." He let's you unclothe him, before climbing into the shower. Removing yours you step in behind him, reaching over and softly soaping up your hands, running them all over his shoulders, before moving onto his back. Letting the hot water wash away all the dirt mixed with pain and grief.

Looking up at the sadness still piercing his eyes, you can't help but let the tears flow. You had never seen him this way; so quiet, so lost, so broken. Before you can continue he stops you once again, this time pulling you into his arms, letting your head fall into his chest. You wrap your arms around him, just letting the water fall on you both. "Never leave me again," He sobs into your neck. "I couldn't...I won't..."

"Sssh," You press a kiss right on his chest, right over his heart. "I'm going nowhere." His grip on you tightens, as he runs a hand through your wet hair. You're not sure how long you stand there, but eventually you pull away, reaching over for the shampoo.

"Let me," He smiles as he takes the bottle from you, turning you so you face away from him. With a kiss to your shoulder, he starts massaging your head, the feeling just sending life back into your body. He then washes you down as you had for him, running his hand gently over you: the combination of his touch and the hot water just flooding your mind back to where it should be.

Once he's done you turn to face him, his eyes still brimming with sadness. He lets you wash his hair, before stepping out and wrapping you both in towels. As you walk back towards his bed, you hear a gentle knock at the door. When you open it no one is there, but a paper bag sits at the doorway. "Tony," You can't help but smile at the gesture. When you turn back to Thor he's sitting on the bed, eyes staring at nothing once again. "You need to eat something." You hand him the bag, making him look up at you. He can't help but smile at the statement.

"I could say the same for you," he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to sit beside him on the bed. "I have no appetite, but please, don't let me stop you." You take the bag, despite the pained hunger in your stomach, you didn't feel like eating either, but the smell was too inviting; simply picking at it, while Thor's arm stays closely wrapped around your towelled waist. Around halfway through, you put it to one side, unable to eat as you watch the man you love in pain.

Crawling into his lap, you wrap your arms around his neck, his face instantly buried in your neck. Wrapping both large arms around you, you start to run your hands down his back, the way he always did for you. You always found it soothing, comforting, refreshing; he could mend almost any ailment with just his touch, you hope you can do the same for him. As you run your hand through his damp hair, you feel his body shake as he fights to contain his sobs. "Don't hold it in," You whisper, kissing his head. "It's just me. Tell me what you need." Suddenly his body calms as he stops to look up at you.

"I love you, more than anything." His eyes are full of tears, as he leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours. His lips meet yours, so softly at first that you barely notice, before he presses harder, awakening your body with electricity. Thor pulls you closer to him, the only barrier between your bodies is the towel still wrapped around you. "I just need you," He kisses you again, eyes still swimming in tears.

"You have me," You wipe the tears from his face; as he leans into your touch, he brings his lips to your palm, the simplest of actions making your stomach flutter, and goosebumps travel through your entire body. Despite the desperate want pooling at your mind, you don't want to push him too far.

"Can I have you forever?" He whispers, grabbing your face so that your eyes meet; the longing desire in his eyes is something new, something you've never seen before. As one hand stays placed at the back of your neck, the other travels down your arm, resting at the small of your back. "Can I have you forever Kate?" He asks again.

"Always," You sob, pressing your lips onto his; letting everything you feel be spoken in that tear stained kiss. As he whips the towel from your body, his hands gently travel over every part of you, making you feel like you could melt in his arms. Moving you so you could wrap your legs around him, he stands, letting the towel fall to the floor, before gently placing you back on the bed.

The sex is slow and gentle; it wasn't about enjoyment, or pleasure, simply need. A need to be together again, to feel each other's pain, hurt and loss; but mostly it was about love. Feeling so connected, despite the tragedy you had both just survived; also knowing there could be worse to come, relishing the time you had together.

Afterwards you lay back, Thor's head laying on your chest while you run your hands through his hair; his arms wrapped around you tightly. "I wanted to be angry with you." He finally admits after a time. "I hated that you left," he sighs. "But I know why you did. You needed to save Stark."

"I wanted to save all of you," You admit. "I'm only sorry that you still had to lose someone."

"My father made his choice," He moves his head to kiss your chest, before looking up at you. "It was an honourable death, sacrificing himself for Loki."

"Who wouldn't have been in that position if I hadn't brought Thanos to Asgard."

"Which meant I would have lost you," He huffs out. "I had centuries with my father, but what only feels like seconds with you." Thor reaches a hand up, brushing your hair from your face. "Thanos will pay for what he took from me, for what he almost cost me. But as long as you are by my side I will survive the pain."

"Pain that I caused..."

"Stop." He barks, sitting up completely, pulling you forward, hands gripped on your head. "I will never blame you for what happened. Neither will my mother, or Loki, or Asgard. So stop." He kisses you deeply. "Promise me." You simply nod. "Promise me Kate."

"I promise." He kisses you again, before both of you lay back down. Thor's arms wrapped around you as you settle your head on his chest. Despite the pain and the guilt still radiating through you, the lack of sleep catches up with you and you fall asleep instantly; aided by the feeling of Thor's fingers running up and down your spine.