Redemption

20 - Secrets

Chapter 20 - Secrets

Jasmine and I constructed our own wedding binders many years ago, it practically feels like a different lifetime, my younger self so out of reach she has become unrecognizable. Her mom took us to an arts and crafts store in the fourth grade, one not far from their house, letting us pick out the different materials we wanted to incorporate. I can still see us running up and down the aisles in our matching Twinkle Toes, pulling materials out of the shelves and presenting them to one another, judging if it would be deemed fit enough to be in our honorable binders. We ended up leaving with more than enough in our supply, stickers, beads, ribbons, rhinestones, construction paper. We had it all, fully prepared to take on the task before us.

Our binders included cut-out pictures from magazines of wedding dresses that came in every design imaginable, extravagant cakes with the most intricate icing templates, shoes with shining studs that glistened under light, and engagement rings that had unrealistic bands lined with carats, ones that looked like they would weigh down your finger if you were to put it one. We would huddle up in Jasmine's room, laying on our stomachs, sprawled on her purple plush carpet for hours, cutting and gluing, giggling and gossiping.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see her text this morning, telling me she would be bringing her binder to dinner tonight. She asks if she should bring mine as well.

I tell her not to, which leads to her sending a sad face back, clearly disappointed with my response. I already know she will be asking why I didn't want her to, but thankfully, she doesn't do it now.

I shouldn't be surprised at the feeling of my heart plummeting to my feet either. I didn't forget the dinner, but the luxury of sleep gave me enough amnesia to tuck away the events that unfolded last night. I don't see a text from Caleb, and it only makes my chest grow heavier.

I force myself out of bed, taking a quick hot shower before making breakfast and calling a client that I should have called yesterday. We speak for about an hour, talking about flowers the whole time. Usually, I am able to be attentive, but today, I find myself asking the bride-to-be to repeat her words on multiple occasions. I feel so unprofessional that I have to cut the call short, afraid she would keep talking for the rest of the day and I would eventually lose track of her words.

I mill around my apartment for the next couple of hours, constantly checking the time on my phone and above the stove in the kitchen as I walk back and forth from my bedroom to the main area, feeling like wherever I go I won't be able to be comfortable enough to settle down and relax.

Bonnie drops by with her baked goods, blueberry muffins and orange scones, a recipe that's been in her family for generations, passed down and altered if necessary. She only stays for a few minutes, her bracelets clinking as she describes her new retreat that she's going to this week, explaining that I should look into one. It could be really helpful, she told me as she squeezed my arm, informing me that she would be sending me a link to some upcoming retreats she will be going to in the next couple of months. I tell her I will think about it, but I find that unlikely, so I send her off with a smile, reassuring her that I will look over the links and consider them thoughtfully.

I check my phone as soon as she's gone.

Caleb still hasn't said anything, leaving me with just my thoughts, a terrible outcome.

He could be at work, maybe with a patient or in surgery, but I know he would have told me he was going in and to not worry about him missing dinner tonight. No text was out of character for him. For us.

When my phone finally signals a notification, I practically jump out of my seat to check it. It's from Caleb.

I'll be there in about an hour. Be ready to come out?