Redemption

22 - Cue the Paranoia

Chapter 22 - Cue the Paranoia

I've never been a good gossip, contrary to whatever preset belief you have of me. I have been at parties in high school where everyone has gone home, only a few girls remaining, and we would sit around the kitchen island, reliving the night and snickering about some of the outfits people wore. Sometimes there would be some drama, whether that was a break-up, a disagreement between two girls over a boy, vice versa, or a mishap that got dragged from middle school, one everyone seems to remember perfectly.

That's not to say I don't gossip, I've had my fair share of gossip sessions, as every teenage girl does. Jasmine and I would have our sessions at the restaurant or on our nights out, but the older I got, the less people were in my life, which meant less people to talk shit about. The only energy I had was poured into my academics, getting into college, working at the restaurant, and then Isaac and my mom. At one point in my journey, that included Shawn.

I've almost forgotten how to gossip entirely, never really seeing Jo speak a bad word about another soul and barely having any time with Jasmine since she got back from Thailand with Ben. It's like a muscle, a skill, and you can get out of shape if you aren't doing it enough.

I wouldn't call what I'm doing gossip. Digging for information is probably a better phrase of words, grasping at loose ends. At least that's what I tell myself as I send a text to Niall and Zayn, asking if they would be willing to meet up for lunch today, completely desperate for any insight into Harry's life. I fail to mention that the other will be attending, worried that if I did, they would alter their decision.

They both knew Harry once, and I just want to know how. I feel wrong for this, going behind Caleb and Harry's back, just to satisfy my own hunger for the truth, yet completely petrified to uncover it at the same time.

Zayn doesn't reply to my text, letting me know he's still bitter about our abrupt ending, but I know one day we will be able to reconnect, to laugh about how naive we were to think it would ever work out for us in the end. I guess I should've expected silence from his end, he's always been a little stubborn and stuck in his ways. I send him the address, just in case, knowing that the Zayn I knew, before we started fooling around, that is, would show up, ready to see an old friend and laugh about memories.

Niall replies almost immediately, eager to catch up and eat some good food. I can't hide the smile on my face as I read his reply that bounces with excitement and cheerfulness, a feeling that's grown unfamiliar to me in the last twenty-four hours.

Good hearing from you! I'd love to meet up for a bite, I haven't seen you in forever. I was wondering why I wasn't invited to your funeral lol. Where do you want to meet?

I text him the address of a small local Cuban restaurant, a newly opened place I have been wanting to try for a while, telling him the time I will be there. He sends back a thumbs-up, confirming that he will be there, too.

I almost feel a little guilty for inviting Niall to lunch, a familiar emotion I've felt deep inside my bones since the moment Harry walked into Grieve to Believe. I might be giving him the impression that it's just because I've missed him and want to strengthen our friendship. I have missed him, he's an easy person to miss with his contagious laugh and chirpy attitude, but we were never that close to begin with, and I feel like he will be more than understanding when I tell him why I really wanted to meet up.

I take my time getting ready, letting the hot water roll down my body in the shower and studying my face in the mirror as I apply makeup. I decided to wear some eyeliner today, a bold choice for me, but when I see how much brighter it makes my dark eyes, the hesitancy completely vanishes, replaced with a confidence I've never felt before. I keep going, putting on a little more eyeshadow than usual and taking the time to get my contour just right, highlighting all the features I try to hide, including the small bump I have on the bridge of my nose. It's not a huge bump, but it's still something I've had a hard time loving, an insecurity I've slowly overcome in recent years. I top off my look with some mascara and blush, enjoying the therapeutic feeling it fills me with, taking care of myself so whole-heartedly.