Redemption

25 - Clenched Fists

Chapter 25 - Clenched Fists

I focus on the shoes.

You really can tell so much by a person, just based off the shoes adorning their feet.

Caleb wears laced-up boots, dark brown, and they look bulky, like they would weigh down your foot. They're not my favorite, they make his feet look extra big, but during the wintertime, it's not always about what looks cute, it's about bundling up and staying warm. Jo is wearing Toms, they're red with small, white polka dots, matching her red blouse and white jeans, ones I'm surprised have no stains on them. They're still damp from walking in the snow, patches of her shoes a darker shade than other areas. I can't see Bonnie's shoes, her feet hidden underneath one of her signature long skirts, the pattern a bunch of squares, each one a different fabric from what looks like would be a quilt.

Iris wears high top black converse, the laces wrapped around her ankle, stained and tattered, like she has been wearing the same pair for years, dragging them through every high and low she has endured. She bounces her foot, a fast rhythm, and I feel a headache coming on just by looking at it.

Meg wears black flats, very simple, kind of ugly. I expected more from her after seeing her quirky earnings two weeks ago.

Harry...

Even staring at his feet feels like a crime, my eyes straining against the urge to travel up his body, resist the urge to soak up every part of his being, remember every part of him. Any time I see him could be the last.

"I know we didn't get to make it through a full circle last week," Russel's voice startles me, breaking me out of my observations of everyone's shoes, my gaze fixing on his face.

Caleb hasn't released my hand, grip still sturdy as a rock, his fingers basically digging into my skin. I try to apply the same amount of pressure, hoping he will release my hand because of it.

"I thought I would start, and maybe Caleb goes next?" Russel looks as Caleb as he says this. "You didn't get to go last week, so I thought I would give you the honors."

Caleb smiles, looking like he's flattered to have his feelings taken into consideration, but I can see right through it, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes not fully there, the relaxed look that's usually in his orbs nowhere to be seen. It makes me wonder if anyone else here notices, if anyone else knows him the way I do.

"I'd love to," he looks at me, his blue gaze softer than a few moments ago, it makes me think it's just because his eyes are on me. My breath hitches, taking in how vulnerable he looks, how his eyes are trying to convey a thousand words.

I've never heard him speak about Heather, not about her death, about how if affected him, how he still feels the ghost of her in every room he enters. I try to compare my thoughts of Maddie to Heather, stopping immediately, Maddie's bright smile flashing on my brain too painful to handle.

I return his smile, giving his hand a little squeeze, swallowing down any unwanted thoughts.

Why does it hurt to think about Maddie's smile, and not Heather's? Why can't I make it hurt the same?

"It's been a rough week, long is maybe a better word," Russel begins, leaning back into the cheap chair, causing a loud squeaking noise to erupt throughout the room.

"My car was really dirty, and like most of you know, my white Honda civic isn't the best in the snow. Anyways, it was in need of a car wash, and I was fine my whole way there, just listening to the radio and eating some cashews, but the minute I pulled into the gas station, I broke down." He pauses for a minute, sucking in a deep breath and looking down to his lap, gathering himself. The room is quiet, so quiet, as we wait for him to carry on.