UNCHOSEN ONES | TAEKOOK

𝟶𝟺 ☾ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 (𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎)

𝟶𝟺

☾

Seojun had responded to Taehyung's messages about an hour later, and Taehyung had seen them this time, but had decided to ignore them.

He felt strangely guilty. He knew he had every reason to feel guilty. Because what kind of boyfriend would find attractive his girlfriend's male cousin? It was absurd. It didn't make any sense.

Taehyung had spent the next half hour searching on Internet, "Am I gay if I find my girlfriend's cousin attractive?", "Am I gay if I want to kiss a guy?", "How to know if you're gay", "Can I be gay if I am also attracted to girls?". All with incognito history and with brightness at a minimum, even though there was no one in the house, apart from Jimin, who was still sleeping.

The problem, Taehyung said to himself, was the fact that he had never thought he couldn't be straight. Ever since he was a child, he had never been attracted to other boys, always and only to people of the opposite sex to his own. Never once had he looked at a guy and thought he wanted to kiss him or anything like that.

And Taehyung knew he was attracted to Seojun. He knew he was; it was a fact. When he was with Seojun, he felt good, and Taehyung knew almost nothing about love, but he thought he loved her. And he was still sure he loved her.

There was nothing wrong with finding Jeongguk attractive. Jeongguk was attractive. Very beautiful. A dream, really. Perhaps it was a little less normal to wonder what it would feel like if he kissed Jeongguk. That was definitely not straight and Taehyung didn't need to look for such a thing on the Internet, he was able to guess it himself.

But Taehyung wasn't... not straight. He was straight. One hundred percent. Always been. There was no way to change one's sexuality, was there?

Perhaps he was having his midlife crisis prematurely compared to other men. But what a midlife crisis, what a ridiculous idea.

Finding a guy attractive was something that could happen even to straight people. Jimin had made a lot of comments about how handsome Yoongi was, or guys on Instagram, and Taehyung never thought he wasn't straight. Jimin was straight, wasn't he?

Taehyung realized he never asked him if he was or not. It never mattered to him.

That would've been inconvenient. There was no need to think about it. Taehyung thought about how his mother would react to such a thought. She would've had a heart attack at the very least, and then she would've made him think about it carefully. His father, Taehyung didn't know. And neither Taehyung knew about his sister, but she was a person who quite minded her own thing, so Taehyung didn't think she would give him too many problems in the case... had he not been straight.

It was too fucking weird even to think so.

Because hell, absolutely not. Taehyung couldn't imagine himself attracted to a cock. It was disgusting, just the thought repulsed him. Girls were beautiful, delicate, soft, boys were... for the most part, the opposite.

Taehyung had shaken his head, driving those thoughts out of his head. It was too early to understand anything.

He had seen Jeongguk twice in his life. Two miserable times and those two miserable times were absolutely not enough to make Taehyung doubt his sexual orientation.

So, Taehyung placed those doubts in a drawer in the depths of his mind and locked them in there.

Now that he was in Seojun's apartment, it seemed impossible to even think he might not have been attracted to her.

Seojun had invited him to her place that Wednesday night. When Taehyung arrived, she opened the door for him, and Taehyung found himself in front of his girlfriend in the middle of a nervous breakdown. When worried and alarmed, he asked her the reason, she replied that she couldn't do some project for the university.