Mephobia Review Shop

15.| The Mafia Boss

REVIEWER: thatzaynlover

The Mafia Boss by: anne_rocks

Book title: 4

The book title wasn't really new to me as I've read several books with that same name "The Mafia Boss". Writing a mafia story, it's hard to not include the word 'mafia' to the title because you'd want your readers to know basically, what the book is about. But that's when creativity comes in, you have to be creative enough to come up with something unique and at the same time, something that goes along with what you're giving and portraying to your readers.

Book Cover: 8
Like I said, you should come up with not only something unique, but something that goes along with your niche. So yes, the book cover is nice.

Blurb: 6

Just so many suspense and questions thrown at the readers. There wasn't a peek into any of the protagonist lives, just suspense and mystery. Although it's okay, but it should be a little bit detailed. I think that's what catches the attention of readers.

Opening chapter: 5

The opening chapter which is also known as the first chapter. Well, my opinion here was that it was just a rush. I think involving all the protagonists at once wouldn't be a great idea, your readers should be able to feel suspense, eagerness and the drama. Reading the opening chapter, I was clueless. I didn't know any of the casts, there wasn't an introduction or rather a part where I could point out who was who. An opening chapter is meant to entail the details of the protagonist, even though it's few sentences like "Having to survive all by myself brought me to the coffee shop downtown. Stressful indeed but this was where my means of income lies."
From what I wrote, you could tell she was in college, probably had family problems which resulted in her working her ass off in a coffee shop. There your reader would be curious to know what happened to her family, what college she attends etc.

Character development: 6

I personally couldn't picturize any image of the characters. There was a point you made her sassy, then there was a part you made her sweet and charming, I just couldn't process where and what to fix her into. Reading the first three chapters, I didn't get any attributes of the characters so it was really hard. I suggest you include that as well.

Originality: 5

I don't think it'd be fair enough to judge this part as I haven't read to the last chapter of the book. But from what I've read, this is just like every mafia story. Why not try spicing it up a little bit?

Plot and creativity: 5

Honestly, I feel like everything is just so rushed. She meets an unknown guy in a coffee shop then they become friends, then they kiss at the fourth chapter. That's really a great rush. When writing a book try to be realistic as well. So the whole plot and creativity, I genuinely think it's all messed up.

Grammar: 7

There wasn't much grammatical error. As a matter of fact, I didn't have to look back to feel the need to create some things. But, the use of punctuation marks was what gave me problem. Except if you're typing from a laptop, there shouldn't be a problem with punctuation marks. Your comma, full stop and apostrophe should be properly used when needed. Most of the sentence I read, there wasn't a pause where you'd indicate a comma. After drafting a chapter. Try rereading it and editing. That'd help a lot.

Emotion: 7

Felt some emotions and I could practically relate to most of them.

Enjoyment/rating: 6

I wasn't feeling that Mafia side yet neither was I feeling what you portrayed to be through the blurb. Instead it gave off teenage vibes and all that, but I won't judge because I haven't gone far in my reading.

Total rating: 59

A little advice: I had this review long ago when I first published my first novel, trust me it was really bad because I thought hey I was finally writing a book. So I unpublished the book and deleted my account.I felt so sad but little did I know it was a motivation. I edited the full book, changed the plot and rewrote the chapters again.

Don't feel bad over a review, just try to ask questions on how to improve and make the book better. I'm not a perfect writer nor reviewer, someone might see your book and think it's amazing, someone might hate it but just do your thing and focus on your goals. I'd be glad to entertain any questions you have. Thank you!