Mephobia Review Shop

16.| A Collection Of Short Stories

REVIEWER: royallyethereal

A Collection Of Short Stories - OfficialUselessChild

Book Title/Cover - 2/5 

I took points off due to the cover you currently have on. I mean, you have nothing on, so it just shows your profile picture and that generic font. I give the cover a 0/3. The only reason you got two points was for the title. The title is not something I've never seen before or anything like that, but it's simple and actually explains what the book is going to be about, which is why I give it a 2/2. 

Blurb - 3/5 

It's short and straight to the point. I would have liked a bit more added to it, though, but really, I wasn't exactly sure what I was expecting.

Plot - 5/10 

It's not exactly something I've never read before. It was sad, especially the ending, because I was not expecting it to end that way. I love that Kumi had someone to tell her what a horrible person Anne was being. I would have honestly loved to have read a bit more. I understand it's a short story, but perhaps, more descriptions could have been added. Like for example, you could have described what the characters were feeling during certain scenes, you could have described their settings and I definitely think you could have went further into why Anne was so obsessed with Kumi. Was she that enjoyed the feeling of being depended on or was it because of something that happened in her past? You could have made this a little clear as her obsession is a massive part of the plot.

 Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary - 13/20

There are a couple of errors I caught while reading. Here, I'll try to list out and correct some of them down below. The italicized/bold parts represents the corrections I made. What's wrong with Kumi? Well, Kumi is a very shy and introverted. . . (You forgot your "s" after the apostrophe). That was when the abuse started[.] Anne started to hurt Kumi, degrade her. . . (In your book, you placed a comma, but I believe a full stop works better). . . . platonic love she felt for Kumi turned more[...] romantic. . . (Ellipses are three dots, not two, although I'm sure you understand this as you only made this error like about two times, I think). You also tend to forget to add periods at the end of sentences. I advise going over the chapter and editing it. Grammar is a 5/5. I didn't really see any grammar mistakes. Punctuation is a 2/5. This is mostly the errors I caught in your chapter. Spelling is a 5/5. Again, no mistakes in that area spotted. But I would have to give vocabulary a 1/5. There weren't a lot of descriptive words. I just feel like you could definitely expand your vocabulary.

Flow - 6/10 

The flow was going well until the ending. I believe that you rushed the ending and finished it a little too abruptly. 

Creativity/Originality - 14/20 

Yes, I've never read anything like this on Wattpad, although I do feel like more creativity could have been added to it. 

 Enjoyment - 6/10 

Regardless, I do think it was a good short read. To be honest, this hits a little at home because I just recently got out of a toxic friendship and it still stings. One of those friends was also named Jenny, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I would have definitely loved to know more about Kumi and Jenny and their relationship. I do think they got together too soon so I'm not surprised they broke up.

 Overall Impression - 5/10 

There weren't any feelings/emotions described, so I can't be sure if Kumi and Jenny even liked each other romantically. This story is more of a telling than a showing, and though I don't mind those types of books, if you're trying to get far as an author, I do think "showing, and not telling" is something you need to work on. 

Total - 50/100